the prince and the princess

there was a time 

when the princess had no one

and no matter how much she wished or

dreamed for her handsome prince

she was still alone and

there was no one 

and it was a few years after

that she decided to forgo

all her wishing

and if he came along

then and only then

would she give of herself

all the love that

she had been saving for

because only then 

would she know

real true love

time passed slowly at first

and then began to speed up

until one day she met 

someone and as

the weeks moved along

he tried to get to know her

better and better and

they became good friends

and one day, he suggested

that they get 

together and share their

favorite hobby,

enjoying music... they

met at the concert

and laughed and he 

held her hand and she felt

the friendship grow

so the princess began to fall

in love with

 her prince, who seemed

honest and true and 

all he wanted to do

was be with you

but was he the prince she had

been looking for....

a kiss is but a kiss 

except if it's wrapped

in love and sweeter

then wine, and

if it feels real 

then you know

all that time you waited

was the way you

were meant to feel

the darkness upon me

wraps me in love

you held me so tight

oh please, never let me go

your lips on my lips

no one can know

breathless and weak

I give in and long

for you once more

you wait for your prince

 sometimes he comes in 

the darkness of night

it's not always

the way it's supposed to go

all sweetness and light

but you wait nonetheless
as your heart fills with hope

the prince and the 

princess

is just a dream upon a dream
and you learn to just cope

it's not always

the way it's supposed to go

and then was it really

the love you were looking for

but would you then give

him up, slowly letting go

or live with the love

that you finally know

the way the story goes....

but instead he steals your heart
and you learn that might be
all that you get
and it's not what you thought at all
and you're full of regrets

because that's the way
the story goes
the prince and the princess
story
is not always the way
it's supposed to go
and sometimes it's just
the way it's
supposed to go
a tale of true happiness
or a tale of woe
only the prince and the princess
know.

December  2014

A Passing

Who gets to touch the president now

who cares that he walks among us

If he smiles at us are we reassured

is he proud to be our leader

He puts us together

he takes us apart

Do we trust what he says

our fate in his hands

a hope and a promise

in this man

that no one else shares

Who gets to touch the president now

who wants to

He said, "Ich ben ein Berlin" ...

we did

the world did

forever etched in our lives

and forever etched

in our hearts

November 2014

50 years ago 

November 1963

Roses and gentle kisses.....

In the beginning I was

wanting only the fun of it all

and as we danced this

dance 

you wanting to and

me never knowing

it would break me

break me down

I tried to say no

and felt the force

the magnetism 

the love and everything

in between and

then it began

And like a baby

reaching for the one

that she loves

I wrapped you

in roses and gentle kisses 

and let you know

you're the one

tears can be such 

meaningful things washing

away the hurt and pain

that grinds at your

heart and makes

you feel again

I know where I am

and Know where I've been

and it's that dance that

you showed me

that's breaking me

down

I don't even know

can't seem to let

you go

roses and gentle kisses

all I ever want to know

November 2014

More than what we bargained for..

my hope is almost gone

while I watch the vultures

ponce upon

my heart is torn to bits

my spirit, lost it's wits

and every step I take away

I miss you more and more

we sat upon the shore

albeit ready to leap,

ready to soar

but it was not for you or I 

to know

the indeterminate amount of love

that we would lose
and yet abhor
 not knowing
was part of our folk lore

I lay my head upon your shoulder

 we nestle in your bed

you and I together

I loved you from 

my lows, we innocents 

in the throws
of something

so the story goes

there was love in your

eyes and hope in the smallest

of our woes

It's been months

since we watched 

the bitter unfold

I couldn't give it anymore

for somehow we knew this was 

lost upon

that shore

They've come to 

take my love from me now

 fading fast as if

it never mattered anyhow

 collapsing on 

the both of us

somehow you 

took my heart and 

and I took yours
every step I take now 

I look over my shoulder
to see you turn around
and then I know
because what we
have is
way more then ever
what
we bargained for....

October 2014

I do the Normal

I'm okay, I tell my self on a day

to day basis

I do the normal

go to work, wash my hair,

and drive my car...

but when I see you

something happens to me

Each day that passes from

that day you told

me we're through,

I'm such a tiny bit

better and such a good liar

 I do the normal

go to the store

wash my clothes and

brush my hair

but when you walk into

the room, something

happens to me

it's the way you look

or how you tip your head

the swagger in your walk

or your every day down

to business way

your eyes that search

for mine or

your skin like caramel

on a Sunday afternoon

it's the tone in 

your voice and

your smile that 

lights up my life

and no matter when or what

you're coming or

going

I get that feeling inside and

not a single soul will

ever take it away

And the normal becomes

me and when I

dream, you're there

every minute, every day

loving me loving you

  

I know some day this 

will come to the end

of something more glorious then

I could ever imagine and I

will die just a little more inside

but for now

I won't be letting you go

not in a million years

as I do my normal

as I love you 

when you walk 

into a room

let go never

never in a million years would I have 

dreamed of loving you 

longing for that secret moment

that we would share in

the darkest part

of never and then wanting 

it  forever

 everything is gone and  

what part of me here is

for you will I 

never be the way

we could ever be when 

all is put upon the edge

small bits erode

of what is left

And yet, my heart cries out

for you and all your

alone with me with 

only me

I find you there somewhere

you cry about her

and hurt what's left

of us that we could be

not ever in the

midst of this

catastrophe

I touch your face 

your lips on mine

my hand in yours

but I can't cry

anymore for you

and we cannot be

this disaster in among

the rubble of 

broken souls and smashed hearts

I live for you

in my heart you

can't touch

Don't tell me you don't want me

or that you never cared

I saw you in the darkness

I saw you, my friend

 the least that you could do

admit that you
wanted me

then bid me adeus 

tell me that it's over 

tell me that it's over

and hold me 

until eternity sets upon

I buried my mind where

my love has gone

and you took it like

I meant nothing whilst

I hung on

like a sparrow in the wind

I finally let you go, my friend

and wouldn't you know
it was you who
wanted me more
then and
it was you who couldn't let go
in the end......

August 2014. one year

The Law of Love

He walks in that circle now
the one where he thinks he sees all
judging as he goes along, making
decisions, throwing out arbitrarily what
he doesn't want to know
making his new laws....

He can't talk to me now
never enough time or enough
wanting to, or desire and he doesn't
think he can even like me, never
again love me, as the business
of right & wrong
takes over

He glances back, being careful not to
let me see, checking where he's been and
not and wondering only what could be
and where we're not.

He walks in that circle now
the one where he thinks he sees all
but doesn't know the
difference between make-believe
and real, yet he runs
and doesn't fall, making new laws
but he really doesn't see
at all.

He glances back,
pretending he doesn't see
I catch him
he catches me...
but he doesn't see
he just doesn't see



August 2014

Lovers

It's cruel to think that my heart

belongs to someone

I can't have

It's so cruel that I'm left

behind in this shadow

that you walked in

me alone in a desperate

place, hiding myself

pretending i'm not here

or there or anywhere

And you, across the room

burdened with our secrets

never to be shared

and I still can't have you

There are times late at night

my heart broken tears that

wet my pillow

knowing that you feel the same

only brings me round again

in those places

lonely and longing

It's cruel to think that my heart

belongs to someone 

I can't have

a life we'll never share

our love brings

only hate to bare

you reach for me,

just one more time

this time

I promise

I will let you go

only if you say so

you whisper in my ear,

never never
and on and on
it goes


July 2014

        http://gbanni.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

Untold

What if I fall in love

let it go

let him know

What if I let it show

What if the sky falls

and the sun don't

come out at all

Will that be all that's known

the end, finish;  a love story untold..

What if I fell for you

what would you do

the skies opened up

and the whole world

felt it too

What would you do

if you knew all 

my love was for you

and it was honest and true

shall I let it go

let him know

it's a love story untold.

June 1, 2014

Creases and Shadows

It's been three days,

or three months

or three of something

that I haven't seen you

and wish that I could

or that I wish you would

and it's breaking me to pieces

It's that time that we spent

in the small and the

lent that

won't let me forget

how much and 

yet

I wish I could

love you

I'm trying to say  hello and

hoping that you'll know

Love is so hard

when you're in

the throws

and it's not your time

or your place 

and you pretend to

be another 

so and so

But there is no one

but you

in the shadows and

creases 

Each day I'm waiting

and I fall to pieces

Today I saw you

and a whisper in my ear

I felt you oh so near

tell me please

when can we and

when it it our time

or is it just something

I want to hear

It'd been three days

and three months and

then some but

time has stopped as

nothing makes sense

this thing has

become us

I reach for you

you touch me too

Would you know

what I want

to tell you

I feel your breath

upon my neck

and I can't say no

please

don't make me say no

in the creases and shadows

I can't let you go

not ever

no

May 2014

Ending It

Ending it because

because you said

"do you really think

we could make a 

go of it?"

Ending it because 

because you said,

"I would only hurt

you anyway."

Ending it because

because you said,

" I'm distracted

and it seems as if

I'm not interested

in what I should

be interested in. I spend

all my time thinking

about you."

Ending it because

because you said,

"seriously, what kind

of relationship

did you think 

we could have?"

Ending it because

because you say

I've changed.

Ending it because

because you said,

"we can't do this

anymore.."

But not once did

you say

we need to end it

because

because

you just don't need

me anymore

not once

did you say

because you

just don't want me anymore

and not once did

you say

you just don't love me 

anymore..

not once. 

May 2014

                                                                  

Better than Nothing....

I'm not blaming anyone. It's just how the day started. I'm already in a place on Friday that I would rather not be. But, there I was, early and in my sanctuary.  I was even anticipating my day...wishing....day dreaming, while I gingerly applied my eye liner on my lower lid and then there it was. A banging on the door that made me yell, "shit!" I jumped and every bit of the contents of my makeup bag fell into the sink.

There was not a peep outside the door. I grabbed my stuff and shoved it into my purse, put my ear up to the door. Nothing. I opened it very slowly. Who knows what or who was on the other side. All the way open, silence.

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked around. There he was, standing with his back to me, around the corner....... I knew it...

"Well, good morning to you!" I said loud and clear. But he just stood there. For a moment I thought about him just standing there.

It was like this often.

I turned around and went to get coffee. When I came back, he was gone. Five minutes later he was back , animated and teasing me.

"Guess who made the coffee?"

"Um, let me guess.... it wasn't me... I make horrible coffee according to you."

"That's right, you do! Now, this coffee is good. Tell me it's not good."

I took a sip.

"Strong... too strong.." I made a face and put it down.

"See. I told you," he says as a matter of fact, "it's still better than yours...." He takes a sip of his coffee and pretends to be serious.

"I don't think so. I think it's like mud. I'm going to throw mine out." I pretend to get up.

We laugh because this is how our day goes, like the coffee, our day could be good or bad, busy or slow  and always like a roller coaster.

When I went outside a few minutes later he's hollering at me.

"What are you doing out here? You need to get inside."

"Don't tell me what to do. You don't know what I do."

"I do know what you do. I saw you over there, peering around corners, looking for me..."

"Hell no. You must be stalking me, because I wasn't looking for you....." I giggle.

He laughs. I know I have him now.

"It's time for you to recognize..." I yell at him as I turn to go inside.

He laughs again.

"Hey, why don't you find something to do. I know you have plenty of work." He's at my desk now.

"Shut up. You just don't stop!" I look up at him, smiling down at me.

"No, and I never will. Just do your work and we'll get along...."   His eyes sparkle and I see something in him. Something we share.

He lowers his voice...."Memories" he says, he touches the arm of my chair, being careful not to touch me.  

I smile. Yes, we have them. I want to touch his hand, but I don't.

He turns and walks away.

And now, I have a lot to do. But first, I day dream about something, still haunts me as we do this sort of dance every day. It is in this that I feel some sort of hope.....

Some days are harder then the others. Maybe today we'll decide to give it another try.... maybe not. At any rate,we have what we have for now....it's better than nothing...

Looking Back

I turned to see you

looking back at me

and I thought of all

the times you're lips touched mine

I smiled knowing that I 

was the only person in the 

room, who knew

And through out the months

that we were together,

I knew you even better

than you knew yourself,

I realized I was the one 

lucky person you chose to 

share yourself with and that we

were meant to be together

And as much as I tried to

forget

as much as I tried to let go, I

came to the conclusion that

when two people meet, who have

that most wonderful feeling that

they can't seem to let go of or

even want to let go of, that 

immeasurable bond that no matter

who or what, nothing can

tear them apart

When you have that

then you have love

And yet, we were

tearing each other apart

because alas, we had prior commitments

and having found each other quite

by accident, we never had

the time to figure out where 

we stood in this world

So you pushed me away

and as my heart broke, I dreamed

that our time would come again

I turn to see you 

looking back at me and though I know we

cannot be together now,

I know that what we have

is real. I see it in your eyes.

And even though I don't have you

I have you

April 2014

the longing

do you know

do you really know

have you felt

the dying ache inside

hours, weeks, and then some

nights and days

time the test

and still

I want you

I cry inside waiting

waiting for our love

to come back 

knowing it was there

all along

and yet

I'm so lost

in between

I'm holding myself

together

wanting you more each day

while I slowly melt

away

right from the start

how did we know

did you know?

I hold out my hand

and wait for you

to reach out

to me

and my hand feels

numb

waiting

while my heart knows

have you ever felt

the dying ache

inside

while we pretend

and time stops

and we wait

and we wait

April, 2014

Just One More Time

Just one more time

I don't wanna tell you lies

Just wanna be by your side

just one more time

Just one more kiss

I just wanna feel your lips

can't wait to see your smile

just one more time

You made my heart sing

never knew I could feel

this way again

Crying every night

waiting for someone

like you

never thought this

would ever come true

Just one more time

Just one more time

made me feel alive

made me wanna live

forever

made me wanna die

for you

Just one more time

March 2014

Chapter 5 - Temptations

December had turned into January and then into February. And somehow work had become bearable once again. Liz was enjoying the cool weather and enough distractions at work to bring about some sort of satisfaction from the normal, mundane and monotonous.

Old friends would take her out now and not embarrassed to be with her. After all, she had lost a considerable amount of weight and was at least, appearing to look better. She liked what she saw in the mirror, even if it was a bit saggy here and there.

And so, it was dinner with friends tonight where she would get the usual comments, wowo you look good! And must be a guy?? But there never was a guy and hadn't been one for quite some time.

She was at the restroom door when she got a tap on her shoulder, which made her jump, at least two feet.

"Geez! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Funny", he said. "what are you up to?"

"Dinner! Come meet my friends!"

"I'm with my wife, I'll bring her!"

She went into the restroom and met him coming out,  walked over to his table where he made quick introductions and then they all went over to her table.

Ramiro and his wife were fun, alive and kept everyone on their toes all night. Liz never had a better time. At the end of the evening, they all said goodnight but she needed to hit the restroom one more time, where once again she ran into him. He grabbed her.

"Thanks," and he hugged her.

She was startled again, but gave him a hug back. That's when he held her for a moment and sort of whispered in a low voice, " Are you ready for this?"

Of course she laughed and pulled away. She knew he was kidding.

There would be other times. Liz would need to be strong.  Afterall, he was twenty years younger then she, even if he was almost impossible to refuse. He was an extremely good looking man. Liz would have her day dreams but never gave it any serious thought. But there was something so intriguing about him. And even if she said no, she wanted to say yes. She would have to keep telling herself stories...he's married and way too young.....and I can't do this.....

Remains

You play that game

the one where you win

and I remain the same

It's always this and that

and who

you want to blame

making you not the winner,

who taught you how

to play this game?

When you kissed me

and I kissed you back

no need to make more of it

I was just passing time

what part of that

meant more

then 

any of this rhyme?

What you didn't and

never have gotten

lest you forget

which seemed more rotten

whether you were just

using me or

maybe just misbegotten

plans,

could it be

you were really falling in love...?

I tend to think 

the latter,

but maybe not

right then

So now,

you play that game

the one where you want

to win and I

remain the same

only trouble is

I know your name

and all the places

from which you came

I see through you now

and two

can play that game

And maybe this time

I'll win

while you can't help yourself

you,

remain the same....

March 2014

Miss You

Today, I

miss you 

more than anything

I miss you're touch

and your laugh

I miss your

crazy love

I miss

you.

If what you

say is true,

then I'll 

cry forever

and never ever

give up

on you

If what you say is true

And if I miss you

more than

anything

will you come

back to me

I won't ever

tell a soul

promise

or pretend

miss your

kiss, behind the corner

miss your lips,

in a dark room,

miss your love

where no one sees

miss you

now

miss you

then

miss you always

my one

and only 

miss you

when

March 5, 2014

Chapter 4 - The Flu

She had gotten terribly sick before the Xmas Party. Seems a flu bug had been passed around and of course, it was her turn now. She thought this would be a great excuse to miss it. But then, she knew she would still have to go.

She arrived late, as always, hoping no one would notice her sneaking in. But they were all sitting around one big table, like one happy family and of course, Oh, there she is!! She sat down and tried to assimilate as the festivities had already began. But she was too miserable to even entertain the thought that this was fun.

They all had some dinner, consisting of hamburgers and fries and then headed off to play games. Liz got up from the table, and never speaking a word, wondered around like a lost deer. Everyone else seemed to be having a blast.

A group of co-workers passed by and tried to grab her up as they did, but she didn't want to go. She shuffled around and then found a corner to sit in.

It was then she noticed Ramiro. He was driving some racing game and he was all into it. He swerved and just as if he was really driving a car, he scooted all over the seat. At the end, he fell off. She laughed out loud. He turned around and saw her.

"Funny, huh?"

"Yeah, you lost?"

"No! I won!!"

He laughed and then motioned for her to come. She shook her head no. He shrugged his shoulders and turned to walk away. It was then she noticed him, for the first time in months. He had on black tennis shoes, not a speck of dirt of them. He also had on jeans, way too tight and a black turtle neck. He looked good. He looked really good. She looked at him again. He was short but something about him, confidence, made him seem taller. She thought about him for a moment. How did she not notice him before?

Then her mind wondered elsewhere as she hoped she could sneak away from this god awful party as soon as no one could see her.  It was only 9 pm, when she arrived home and dragged herself to her room where she flopped on her bed.

Again

I fold the clothes

press the corners

turn the sleeves

let it go

Dust the shelves

clean the vases

arrange the flowers

let it flow

See the sunlight

on the glass

as I wash

see your face

in every minute

I'm alone

search my mind

find my place

Day moves on

and night has come

I breath it in

it fills my lungs

I shut the window

fix the pillows

close my eyes

make a choice

time has come

only shadows
fill the void

all alone


once again

 I

    hear your voice....

February 15, 2013

ramblings and meaningless words: V DAY

ramblings and meaningless words: V DAY: Valentine's Day What a lot of crock. Anything to swindle us consumers out of our hard earned... and here we are, falling for it lik...

V DAY

Valentine's Day

What a lot of crock. Anything to swindle us consumers out of our hard earned... and here we are, falling for it like it's real and all that. We deserve to be swindled. It's supposed to be a day of love, sweet sweet love. 

 Show your loved one what they mean to you on this one day.

THIS above all other days in the whole year, this day to show them your undying love in a 

box of chocolates or a handful of balloons...all wrapped up forever and ever 

until next year, when it will be time to do it all over again. UGH.

Millions of cash spent on this ONE DAY!

Suck it up people,  we do it every year!

As a kid, I was smart enough not to buy into the BS. But, it didn't stop me from getting emotional

about it. V Day. My friends, acquaintances, all getting flowers, cards and balloons, except

me. I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even a card on my porch from a lowly 
stranger who felt the same way about it as I?
 V Day sucked. 

I attributed this dry period to not really having a boyfriend directly at the time V Day was. I vowed one day

to cause my friends to go into a Dry V Day, wherein I received all the accolades of undying

love, hoisted upon me tenfold. Therefore leaving them with the emptiness I 

felt all those years. Pay back's a bitch. 

Then, of course, in reality I get married and for years and years, Valentines galore. Flowers, cards, chocolate, 

sexy nighties, dinners, porn...

yep, it was all there on Valentines. 

Great, good. I'm so happy.

But then, I always said, "it's not about the day...it's about the thought..every day should be

Valentine's Day!!!"

yeah. 

Fast forward to now. Once again, I am reminded of the teen years when I felt so left out. 

I approached today with trepidation. I did not plan and did not expect. 

I told my co-workers my real feelings... every day should be about 

loving and caring for one another. And my final word was,

 " all I ever wanted for

V day was someone saying to me, here, I am yours for V day and 

everyday for the rest of your life..". 

The best Valentine ever!!

Right!

Right?

Happy V Day everybody.

Hoping for something more meaningful next year... fat chance.

The One

When I saw you at the

drugstore

and you looked

at me twice

I knew we'd be

together and

I knew you'd

be nice

You tried not to

fall and I

tried not to catch

you but you

fell anyway

and I knew

she would let

you

So I tried to stay

cool and not

give it away that

I wanted you 

more
each and
every day

But I know

now it was

wrong and we

held on too long

me wanting more

and you only
wanting to end
the war

And in spite of the

fighting, in spite

of the truth, we held on
together and
we held on
for us and
I wished for a song
something to
believe in and
something to be strong

But she couldn't let go

and neither could I

I guess in the long

run

it was her or I

So, I gave up my heart

and I gave up

my dream

of you and I together

it was not what it seemed

and I remembered

when I met you

that day in

the drugstore,

I knew

I would love you

I knew I 

couldn't let go.....

Too Good To Be True

Too good to be true

is the way I felt

about you

everyday a

dream come true

somehow

you were enchanting

and romantic and

it was

all new

I could not

resist

you

And, it was the

best I ever had

your kisses so

sweet, so soft 

made me

so glad

your arms

that loved me

protecting us from

the storm, holding on

while the world

fell around us

we were

re-born

Too good to be true

and everyday

that I loved you

I knew it

was just a 

dream come true

and tried not to

think of 

the ending it

would come to

And then I saw

you

struggling with 

what you heard and

what you knew

and then just as 

sure as we were 

our love was true

it was over 

for me and you

too good to be true

is the way 

I felt about you

but I didn't stop

loving you

no

I never stopped

loving you

Third Time Charmer

Something about the first time

and being it was

mind blowing and

crushing me

as my heart sank 

well I never

saw the 

second time

coming

it was then,

after the first time, that I

decided not

to play that

game

while I was trying

not to cry

as each day

dragged slowly by

so dumb I was 

thinking you were

coming back 

and when you

did, I tried

I tried to

get out of

my head

But when the second time

came rolling through

your heart

being so untrue

and me 

falling down

once again

not knowing if

I would ever get up

again

I cried until

my tears were

dry 

then you showed

up, the second time

 at my door

that was when

And now, I carry

my heart

as it is so

heavy because they

say

the third time

is a charm

now, after

you said goodbye

what am I

what am I

what am I

I'm the

third time

charmer

broken down

and feelin'

like I could

die....

Breakin' Me Down

Breakin' me down each day

makin' me not want to play

this game

Don't want to see your eyes

just want you to realize

could be misconstrued

might mistake

wanting me

then you would

be the fool

Now - here we are

once again

and I see you telling me

something I already 

knew then

there is no place 

I'd rather be

breakin' me down each day

makin' it hard

makin' it hard

just to be

me...

January 2013

Unfair

he stood there 

as if to say,

I'm in no way 

into you

I tried to ignore it

wondering what I 

ever saw in him

but knew that

was wrong

as I approached 

I grabbed his hand

he pulled away and

jerked around

"Hey", he said

as if he never wanted

me to touch him again

"Don't" he said

and I walked past him

pretending not to care

and then I felt him

from behind as he

grabbed me

His arms circled my waist

as I tried to resist

"you," he said as if

I were someone else

and then he kissed me

like he had before

so many times

and it was just as 

it had been always

his mouth on mine

he whispered

"I love you"

I knew then as I know now

pretending that you don't

care, was protecting our

souls from a love

that was so unfair

it was our secret

it would always be our secret

January 2014

3 - Weight

She reached into her pocket for a quarter. Ahh, there were two, almost enough to get a soda at the machine. But she discovered when she reached in, that her pocket was loose, not tight against her stomach as had always been in the past. Now, it was loose and she shook it around. Could it be she had lost weight? Enough to make her pocket flop?

Liz was on her lunch. Mostly, she never had lunch there, hating every minute she had to be there, she would go anywhere to get away and then buy some fast food and eat in her car. As she headed back to her office to get her purse to leave, she ran into Ramiro.

"Having lunch?" he asked.

"I am," she said in passing him.

"Have a good lunch!"

"I will!" But she only said it because she was trying to be nice. Somehow Ramiro always seemed to find her and she had to be pleasant to him because he was so nice. It's not that she was avoiding him. She just was not interested. Not interested in anyone or anything.

Thanksgiving had come and went. Liz had spent her's alone. Her two son's spent their Thanksgiving with their wives' families. She stayed home, watched some television and then fell asleep. She never even cooked.

Christmas was coming up. Ugh, the dreaded Christmas Party. Something she would have to do. There would be no way to get out of this one. Not this year. Everyone would be there and she needed to show that she was involved. It wasn't that she didn't like anyone. They were perfectly fine people. She was just done with her job. It was a good job, good enough place to work. It was just that she didn't see any future there and that went into all of her life. No future.

After work, Liz stopped by the store and tried on a couple pairs of pants. Sure enough, she had gone down a size. She celebrated by buying a new blouse too. The next day at work she wore her new stuff and actually felt good about it. One of her co-workers noticed too and complimented her on her new blouse. She felt just a tinge of good about it.

But, in her inbox was the dreaded Christmas Party Invite. She opened it with some trepidation. Dinner and Games.... at an adult game venue. She thought about that. Yes! The only thing good about that would be the games! She loved playing arcade games and video games! This would be fun! Now, you might wonder why Liz would enjoy these games... Her boys had taught her how to play these games a very long time ago and ever since then, she did enjoy them. She could actually see herself having fun here. Well, as much fun as she could.

2 - Getting to Know Ya'

Liz realized a long time ago that she was no catch. Her hair was too long, didn't trust any place that cuts hair. Somehow, they always got it wrong. She was overweight. But she thought the reason she had gained weight was to make herself unattractive to men. Which is probably closer to the truth. She had her share of failed relationships. I mean, what guy wants that, a big fat girl, whose hair looked like shit and she didn't give a shit about anything. Anything. She, basically had given up on herself and on anyone else. Men were just a problem for her, one that she would rather not deal with therefore didn't need in her life.

"So", he said with authority, " what do you think about Obama? I mean, I think it sucks that he says he's going to make changes because everyone knows that ain't gonna happen!" He was walking down the hallway, behind Liz, and looking straight at her.

"Oh, you're talking to me? Well, at least he's talking about making changes. That's better then Mit. By the way," she chuckled, " Mit. What kind of name is that?" She had stopped and was looking straight at him.

"Oh yeah, make fun," he said, as he walked up to her. "We'll have to continue this debate, but I can tell you, Romney's gonna' win..."

"Oh," she spit like a moter boat, " that's not ever gonna' happen!" And she laughed outloud like as if to laugh in his face at his stupidity. He walked past her and smiled.

It was like that every day, until the elections. Ramiro would seek her out and just pounce on her with some political diatribe that she thought was so right, he had to be a Republican. But that was okay because it seemed to be all in fun. He never got mad and he laughed at her and with her and it had been so long that any man, any guy had even looked at her, she was actually glad that he cared enough to talk to her. Even though she did not give a shit, she wasn't dead. She did like conversation and did appreciate when someone took the time.

By the end of the next two weeks their debate had become the "office debate". Everyone had heard them in the halls and now everyone else was talking about who would win and who was better. They all seemed to take up sides. And then it was over. Obama won. Everyone shut up. Back to the way it was, with no one talking to each other and for sure, not a single person talking about politics, where before, if you even mentioned something political it was sure to cause a fight. All quiet on the Western Front.

"Do you have a picture of yourself?" he said as he walked into her office. She was sitting at her desk.

"Huh?"

"Yeah, I don't know what I'm thinking...." he turned around and started back out. " I just need a picture, maybe when you were younger." And then as an afterthought, " never mind, if my wife saw it...  I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm having day dreams about fifty year old women.."  his voice dropped off as he headed down the hall.

Liz sat there for a moment, taking in what he had just said. Then she laughed out loud knowing that it was just all a joke and he was just humoring her. After all, Ramiro had to only be in his early thirties. Could not even remotely be interested in her. Not in the least bit. Not ever.

Chapter 1 Or is it??

It was September, or thereabouts. All the end of summer stuff was coming to a close. Soon, Thanksgiving and Christmas would be right around the corner. She couldn't wait for it to be over. Another crummy year with nothing getting any better. Time took it's toll on her. She was not getting any younger and had saved herself for what? Two failed marriages and being out of shape and in her mind, not attractive enough for any man. It was all down hill for her. She never even thought about another man nor even wanted one. She thought of herself as retiring and being alone. Thank God.

Friday. Time to get along. Time to go. Time to plan for the weekend. No time for this or that. She couldn't wait to leave her job and go home. At least at home she could hide. No one to make her do things. No one to try to get along with, compromise with. No phones ringing. Ahhh, quiet and peace. There was nothing missing. Just time. All the time, time missing. When could she quit. When would it be over. She would need to plod through a few more years. All miserable years, she thought.

When she bumped into him he was walking backwards, she was watching her feet as they looked rather large in those boots she just got. Wham! She plowed her tooth into his shoulder.

"Ouch", she rubbed her cheek and tried to pretend it didn't hurt at the same time.
"Oh sorry, I didn't see you, are you okay?"
"I think I bit your shoulder, but yeah, I'm okay."
He chuckled and put out his hand.
"I'm Ramiro."
"Liz", she said, grabbing his hand.
"Nice to meet ya'! Maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime.."

That was it. That was the day that everything changed. Well, not that day, but every subsequent day after became something, which she didn't even know how or why or what and the least of it was that... well, I'll tell you later.... much later.

5:0' Clock and she was out the door. Let me out of here, this shit hole. Ugh, she said to herself. As soon as she got home, she turned on the television, wrapped herself up in a blanket and fell asleep on the couch. It was morning before she finally took off her work clothes.