So you think you've finally fallen in love. Forget that you never ever thought you could have ever gotten here. Yet here you are. Yes, you are finally where you have wanted to be forever, where you should be. It feels right. It feels like home.
Remember, a short time ago you were alone, like destiny. Dating did not seem possible anymore. How many men do you have to meet to find the "one"? Maybe 100, 200? It wasn't fun anymore. Things weren't jelling. They seemed like just wrong. Or maybe it was you that was wrong.
It was tiresome and monotonous and torcherous. You gave up. And you took the attitude that maybe one day it would happen, but maybe not.
So you kept to yourself, making the best of what you had. You let yourself go a little. Ah, who cares anyway.
And then one day, this guy walks into your life. He just saunters in like he owns the place! At first you didn't notice and could care less. There were many reasons but let's face it, he just wasn't the guy you were looking for and there were no sparks, no pizzaz. He wasn't the one either, you had come to that conclusion early on.
And for some ungodly reason, he wants to talk to you. But you just were polite. He catches you in the most inopportune times. But you know he's just being nice. He seems kind. He is sweet and the most important thing, he makes you laugh. You start to see this guy in a whole other light.
Time passes. Now, not only do you look forward to seeing him, but you have started to take better care of yourself. Eat less, exercise more, that sort of thing.
After awhile you felt your walls start to come down and he teases you about maybe going for "this big hunk of a man" you start to consider what he's saying. And what is he saying, exactly?
And after he chases you, tells you how lovely you look 100 thousand times and a whole bunch of other things that make you believe that maybe... maybe... this could be something..
And then one day, it happens. How it happened is not important. That first kiss, that first touch was so divine that you never wanted it to end. And it seemed the same with him. Being with him was something you might imagine as being in heaven. You felt his passion and his love pour down upon you. And you never wanted it to end.
Months of stealing kisses and looking forward to seeing each other occupied your mind. You couldn't wait for the talks about the future, the plans, and most of all more time with him.
And then a funny thing happened, he had something to tell you, something you might not like, but he, your lover, your best friend needed to tell you so that you might understand better. You know, like where he's coming from. So he starts to tell you that he had somebody else but was unhappy. He wasn't complaining, he just felt it fair you knew. And so with sadness in your heart, you and he decide not to see each other for awhile. And your heart begins to break.
A month passes and he tells you he needs to figure some things out. You know what he means. Two months, three and then he says he can't see you because you are too much of a temptation. Even more time passes.
But then one day he comes to you, needing a shoulder to cry on. And you hold each other and one thing leads to another. He's sorry. You cry. And you seem to be trying to bridge this hurdle.
But each day that passes, every hour of every day, you know what you did may have seemed wrong, but it was right. You never meant to hurt anyone. You also realize that you may never get to be with the one you love ever again. And, you contemplate giving up on this man who stole your heart and made you believe again.
Then occasionally there are only stolen moments which makes you think he still cares and he really does love you.
It's been almost two years. You realize that this might be a series of bad decisions. Yet, you never gave up on love, the one thing that has held you up and given you strength. Maybe he wasn't perfect but it doesn't matter. He was everything to you. And you, finally, completely, whole heartedly, undauntingly, unabashedly and with all your heart, fell in love. It was the most beautiful feeling ever. Ever. And given the choice of not ever experiencing this or having him in your life, you know you would not change anything, not for a million dollars. A million dollars. You were lucky to have finally fallen in love again; your heart soared, your soul came alive and you were touched by something not everyone gets to have.
The memories you will always have. The feeling, you will never forget and the love that will remain and once again after time has passed, you will ask yourself, "Will I ever fall in love again?"
February 2016
