my baby

They're killing my baby. I
imagine what she looks like.
She has pretty little wisps of
hair. She's so cuddly cute,
adorable. Her little voice
tells me she's so past what
I see to fall in love with.
I want to hold her and pick
her up. As the days and weeks
go by I hear her growing. Today
she was angry. She has a temper.
She yells and screams and then
someone picks her up. Right
away because how could they
let my angel cry. Not ever.
I realize that maybe there is
more then one person because
sometimes I hear her talk as
she is getting on in months.
But when she cries, I think,
they're killing my baby! I finally figured it
out. She is down, across the way from
us, down a pathway of apartments
that lead into the alley and the
street. Somewhere in the middle
is my adorable. I hear her. Especially
on the weekends. I imagine her
parents. She must be at least one
year now.  And then one day, I am
walking up to my building, when
I see the cutest baby in the arms
of a nice young tattooed body of
a man. My baby has a sucker and she's in
a dress. He holds her proudly. And she
is happy. And there,getting out of the car is mom!
She has long hair, with colors in it
like purple and she's pretty, just like
my baby. Now I know. They smile at
me as I walk by.  I guess they're not
killing my baby. They love my baby!
Because I can tell, they love her.
Everyday she is talking and growing,
But oh no, just one cry, if I just hear
 one cry and if they don't come for her
 right away.....
I can't stand to hear. I don't ever want
to think....
One day I shall meet them, really meet
them and tell them what I know about
my baby, my baby
my adorable baby....




March 3017

day 1000

it's been three years
and everything was good,
so good. I never thought
we would come to this day
not the way I felt. I never felt
this way, no really.

day 1000 is the same as day
one. I remember that first kiss
and what you said and how I
felt and where it was and afterwards.
I remember thinking that something
really special was happening. monumental.

and it was. I imagine leaving in your car,
actually you driving me somewhere
because we never did that. I imagine
dinner out, together, eating somewhere
because that never happened. I imagine
an actual date, a dirty night out.
We dance. I imagine your pretty car
wrapped around me. I like the way it feels.
there's that smell of clean leather, because
you rub it down. there's the dark windows
and no one can see us stealing kisses. Because
that never happened.

But I did see you smile at me, so gorgeous. Your
smile lighting up my soul. your eyes
dancing around my face. your eyes telling
me you love me. I think, it was real. It felt
real.  Were you not all in?
Did you just pretend?

And all of the times, we would steal
moments, little bits of pleasure away
from everyone and just hold each other
 and think if only things would have or
could have been
different that maybe we had met
in some other place and time, then
maybe there could really be an us.

because how could you just throw
us away? after three years and now
now when I need you most... just
a hug made me feel better on most days.
if I feel this way, then what about you?
you must not have felt this way because
I don't know how you could have
just thrown us away.

it's been three years and I don't know
what's real or pretend anymore....  and the
thought of you just won't go away ...
Just 1000 days and it feels like yesterday...


march, 2017

And so it goes....

And so it goes....
the love you felt
the way it was
the simple things
that let you know
his love was strong
and so it goes

And there ain't nothin' babe
to make me stay away
my head hurts
from all the mess and fray
and how much is too much
because it's just not fair
how I gave you everything
and you gave me away

And so it goes
lover of my life
teller of my soul
letting it all go
throwing it away
expecting me to stay
trying so hard
to not let me know
he's just letting me go

ain't it sad, you never know
when love has gone
he just through it out the door


and so it goes...…


Revised  4/2019