day 1000

it's been three years
and everything was good,
so good. I never thought
we would come to this day
not the way I felt. I never felt
this way, no really.

day 1000 is the same as day
one. I remember that first kiss
and what you said and how I
felt and where it was and afterwards.
I remember thinking that something
really special was happening. monumental.

and it was. I imagine leaving in your car,
actually you driving me somewhere
because we never did that. I imagine
dinner out, together, eating somewhere
because that never happened. I imagine
an actual date, a dirty night out.
We dance. I imagine your pretty car
wrapped around me. I like the way it feels.
there's that smell of clean leather, because
you rub it down. there's the dark windows
and no one can see us stealing kisses. Because
that never happened.

But I did see you smile at me, so gorgeous. Your
smile lighting up my soul. your eyes
dancing around my face. your eyes telling
me you love me. I think, it was real. It felt
real.  Were you not all in?
Did you just pretend?

And all of the times, we would steal
moments, little bits of pleasure away
from everyone and just hold each other
 and think if only things would have or
could have been
different that maybe we had met
in some other place and time, then
maybe there could really be an us.

because how could you just throw
us away? after three years and now
now when I need you most... just
a hug made me feel better on most days.
if I feel this way, then what about you?
you must not have felt this way because
I don't know how you could have
just thrown us away.

it's been three years and I don't know
what's real or pretend anymore....  and the
thought of you just won't go away ...
Just 1000 days and it feels like yesterday...


march, 2017