Code of Silence

we pass each other like strangers
you nod and then I nod back
as if a code of silence has taken us
and words are measured and kept
count of to be used against us
at a later time ...

I look for something in your eyes
a glint, or sparkle,  that tells me you
still feel the same.. but all I get is
a glance and then you look away and
I'm left with nothing but the calculating
nod....

I pretend the day is good to me
watching the clock and talking
about things that do not let me think and
that are not too deep or profound
or God forbid thoughts should wander in
my head and I think about nothing
but you instead....

but I'm lost and alone and don't
know what you're thinking or
why you're so polite and say,
"thank you" twenty times to me
or " take care of yourself" at the
end of the day; as if I were
the janitor.

I don't know if this is on purpose
or just out of spite or that we
lost our way or that we had
a fight
I don't know why I hurt so bad
inside and cannot tell you that
in spite of what you said I'm
not still mad...

and then another day goes by
and all I want to do is remember
the way it was and not think
about the way it is or how we
got here... I can't imagine any
more like this or this way I can't
imagine that you're still making
me pay...

when you used to say my name
it rang like bells in the air and
you said it over and over as if
your love was wrapped up in it
  ....and maybe it still is
but it's beginning to be another
dreadfully painful day
and no more then a sentence or
two about coffee and something
about the gum stuck on the
bottom of my shoe

but you didn't nod today, thank God,
 and I think I heard you say my name
under your breath when you
walked away, you whispered it
 low and my heart slowed
as I turned towards you but
you were already gone....

maybe tomorrow you'll say something
more  ..maybe tomorrow you'll want to
tell me what has happened to us and
me and you and why I'm
talking to the walls when I should
be talking to you...

and maybe tomorrow, we'll have
another answer for this wretched
web we're in...this quagmire of
illusion, this romantic confusion ...the
way it all fits together yet pulls us
apart...so complicated and yet
simple...

until then, I won't wait for you
in the morning dew, I won't kiss
you softly when the day is through
I won't look for you, or wait to
hear you call my name, I won't
wait for the silence to end...
But maybe somewhere, sometime
we can see this thing through
open up our hearts and
meet and start
anew

until then.....




July 2013