The Diary

He stood in front of me. All I wanted to do was look in his eyes and tell him, show him how much I cared. But instead I did nothing and did not even look at his handsome, beautiful face.

Instead, I walked outside and tried to get as far away as I could so I could cry forever. The worst pain I could think of was not having him in my life. Love undone is killing me.

When he looks at me, it's with disdain as if it were my fault that he fell in love with me and we, we could never be. Is it my fault that he'll love me until the bitter, last breath, dying end? Or that he'll live in this limbo with me unable to see where we're going nor him either as we tumble down the rabbit hole wondering if we'll ever find our sanity, if we'll ever touch the ground again.

I could sink into his beautiful eyes and stay there forever.

I've fallen somehow, can't find my feet, can't find the ground. Lost forever. I still think of him and wonder if it will ever end.. 

May 2015