Day 1

 I thought when I moved back to Long Beach, it might be easier. Nope, it wasn't.  I mean, if you count the first day, you'll know exactly what I mean. It's been 3 days now, and each day has been a triumph. First, you ask, why am I moving back?  Does it really matter anymore. No it doesn't. So what if my car was towed the first day. I've not had a home in more than 6 months. When I found out about the apartment, I cried. And cried. Day 2. 

Yeah

 yeah so like I said, it never seems to get better

I mean, maybe I just needed a vacation

there's no real answer here, no piffany, 

it's out of control, always today

I can keep this up, or not

yeah so for the betterment of all

I keep pushing on, trying so hard.

I'm not done yet, as I look forward to

the answers will they come, maybe

one day .

out of control and no answers today

tomorrow or any other day. I want to scream. 

yeah.

tomorrow and no answers today 

 

 

AGAIN

 I ducked behind the aisle; he didn't see me ... close call

couldn't believe I saw him, it'd been a little while

and then not at all

my heart beat so fast, I needed to run away

when I stepped up to the counter,

got my credit card to pay

and I picked up a magazine,

When I looked up to put it back on the shelf,

there he was, with a smile, made me think

of myself and

all the love that was lost and driven away

and all the times I came back, and

tried to stay, I

waved a little and made my way out of the store;

throwing the bags,

in the stupid car,

driving and home... I'm feeling so bad,

when tears of sorrow were all I once had,

and nothing, nothing was more

Weeks went by, when I'm at the cafe', having a cup of coffee and

working on a new story, enjoying my day, when

the

chair behind me moved, and I heard him say .."may I sit here," and I said, " I'd like you better if you promised not to stay"....

He looked almost the same, and... I brushed away my hair, thinking, why am I so nervous

with him sitting there. And

now, I'm watching him the way he tips his chin; laughed out loud, eyes sparkling

only makes me remember

all the beginnings and all the ends

Trying to look away, feelings creeping in but

trying only makes it worse

I'm beginning to forgive again, I

look around the cafe';

a small world to have profound things happen in...

I feel myself be drawn

as our conversation

dances in

and out of coffee cups and table tops and then

I know where I've gone and where I've been

and I know that it's happening

all over

again

2012

and then I was old

seems like it was so our time and

we were together,  hand and hand

 we held each other tight, made the cold nights

warm delight and the day night light and we   

we were together, and it was our time

every song that you played, would ring in my head

and I would sing that tune hoping that it was

part of us, or at least part of us and you together

But, that's all I had to hang on to, and something made me hang on

to and something made me hang on to

so i waited for you my careless love, to catch up

just one more time to be together , your touch, your so near

you say, "i was special, dear " and when she walked up and you turned and

and then your hand slip from mine and then your hand slipped from mine

And every time I think of you, those many years ago,  I think of your careless love

what you could have had, but how you let us go....

how you let us go

So seems like it was our time, and we were together, walking hand in hand

and held each other tight and the days turned into nights

and I waited for your love that was careless and cold and you left me

and let me go, like a flower you picked and then I got old

and then she got old....

we were together......

we were together  

and then I was old...

7-31-20

    

If

I wish I could write
one more day, one more hour,
one more minute, one more time
about you

you give me strength to be me
to see that I am who I see
you make me feel the reality
and that life is a duality. 

If I had one more day, with you
your beautiful face,
your skin so perfect
I want to touch it
I want to scrunch it
I want to love it like

If I could sing that song of us

that comes along in a great surprise
and catches us off so off but not quite
I would then sing that song
to you

If I could write just one more second, one more
minute, one more day it would all be
about you......



February 2020

Everything...

There was everything about you but
now you're gone. Every inch of you
that's in this song. Loving you was
always right
wanting you all day
 and night
everything about you
now you're gone

There was not a thing that I was unsure of
not a day that I didn't want you more of
not a minute
how did we stray
not a night I , we didn't stay
together we became so very sure of


There was everything about you
 that I wanted in this song
everyday loving you
made us so strong
and there was everything about you
that belonged
but everything about you that was wrong

August 26, 2019

But there was  everything about you
every day without you
every day I longed for
couldn't live without you
every day I loved you
now you're gone...….