Untitled

She was drawn to him.

And despite the ever-changing 

world around them,

despite the unpredictability

of their lives;

she could not forget him

or get him out of her head.

She thought the time away

would do them some good,

he with his and

she with her's.

But as time came nearer

to the moment

they would see each other

again, 

she began to anticipate

all the love that

she had missed.

It was now consuming

her.

She would dream about him

at night and

crave him during the day.

And it would seem as though

he had taken her soul.

There would be no respite

for her

as time was not her friend.

She wanted his kiss,

his voice and

every part of him. 

And she wondered how this

ever came to be.

They were so different

and yet so much alike.

Their fateful meeting 

had paralyzed them and

they couldn't move past

what they had found, 

for love knows 

no boundaries.

Love has no rules.

Did he think he could

forget her - make her

go away in his mind?

He was hopelessly, forever

trapped in her

magical spirit 

that seemed to take

them far far away

where they were 

forgotten.

It would be a greatest love story.

December 2013.

Crashing

I'm crashing,
not that kind, the kind where you know
it's done
it's down to the
difference between
him or me and
whose going to
hurt more,
whose going to
give in
I don't even know
where to go
from here

I'm crashing,
each day gets harder
to live and
I wake with
 dread, an
awful feeling that
I might die today
tomorrow or
right in his arms
if I'm ever there
again

I'm crashing
and trying not to cave
into my runaway
emotions
that have a
stranglehold
on my heart and
a noose
around my soul

I gulp another sip
of something that
helps me not feel
or think or
even want to
want you
not ever
not tomorrow
not now
not until after the
end of time

I'm crashing and
one of these days
one these weeks
pretty soon
I will have a reason
to let go
and stop loving
and wanting
you so

desperately I fill
my mind with so
much shit that I
don't
know where I am
from day to day
week to week
and I'm thinking
......


if I loved you any less
would you then
have loved me more?

I'm just frickin' crashing


December 2013

It Was Lovely

I was okay five minutes ago

well, yah,

someone told me a  joke

and I was like,

yeah, make me

laugh and shit

but that was six minutes

and ten seconds ago

and alot has

changed

since then

like now I'm worlds away

and light speeded

to another planet

somewhere

I thought I told you

what I meant to say

was it's over

that's all I have to say

that was seven minutes 

and who gives a shit

how much and or

why or what the?

I mean

who really cares?

Like my happiness depends

on some precarious

misnomer

of this some guy

or something or other

person

that is hurting

my 

hurting me

and I can't seem to stop it

him, or make

the hurt

 go away

See ten minutes ago, 

I was happy and

now all hell

shit has come lose

and the happiness

or so-called

is not really there

and I'm feeling

like I'm lost

really lost

It could have been five minutes or five months

I don't know anymore

since he told me

it was over

one minute I'm

good

and the next

I'm on the floor

(it's worse then dying,

you ought to try it)

I keep thinking back

no better not

do that

could be a good

thing or not

and since I'm not

sure then

it's best not

to go there

five minutes ago or five months ago

just best not to go

Nothing seems to be 

working right now

the tears just keep

coming and

there's no saving me

I can't think of anything

else that might or

might not be funny

so I'll just

say

It was only five minutes,
but it was 

lovely......

December 2013

Love Come Again

I see you standing there

all alone and barely

where

you want to be or

even where you

want to stay

I tried to let you see

we belonged together

and we

could have been so

ready for this

and then 

I look into your eyes

and  

know this was

never meant

to be

Then you tell me 

 without words 

tell me stories

that I 

that I've never heard

and without worry

or regrets

I fall back into 

you and with

all my heart I say

lets

I should have skipped 

this part

I should have

loved you more

I should have

kissed your lips then

I should have

let our love

soar

from the highest

mountain

to the

what's that street's

name

front door

I see you standing

there

and I know

that this love

has come again

and I can't

help my 

heart singing

loud and unabashed

and or how much

I want you

how much I want you

how much I ache for you

coming

back

once again

December 2013

Love Affair

So there we were

you and me and

everybody

laughing at the jokes

making light

and steeling

little glances

you tried to say

goodbye

I tried to 

let it go

somehow it just

isn't working

I thought I told you so

and when they started

leaving then

you stayed behind

pretending 

to be my friend

But it was only you and I

we waited til 

we were all alone

I looked at you

in that way

you looked at me

the exact same way

and there was nothing

more to say

it's not working

and we can't let go

your eyes tell me

what I need to know

we're caught up

in this love

affair

November 2013

Could Have Told You So

Is that all you wanted, well

all you had to do was ask

I would have told you the

truth from the beginning

I would have said, 

"hell no" and 

got rid of that

mask...

See, I could keep on

but what good would it do

you kept telling me that you got me

but the truth is

the only one you got is 

you

and I'm just a 

little something on the side

waiting for you 
to decide

We did this before

you, me and I hardly 

made it through

I know it's tough

for you but

seems like I'm the one

who's hurtin' and

you haven't got a clue

I'm pullin' back again

it's so hard to pretend

it's like two steps up

and one to throw 

away..

can't we just make it

to the end

You said you're sorry 

"if I hurt you"

but I'm still not ready 

to 

desert you

I'm sure you know

maybe it's time

to go

maybe I should have known

maybe you should 

have grown

Like I said, had you asked

from the start

I would have told you

if you're just gonna

let me go

then I

could have told

you so....

November 2013

Not a Love Song

I wish I could write you
a love song
tearing at my heart strings
wanting us to never part
I wish I could write you
a love song
the words you whisper when
we're making love
it's our start

Feels so right when 
we're together
how could it be wrong
feels so right we'll never
say never
making us oh, so strong

I wish I could write you
a love song
comin' on, can't be wrong
can't be wrong
wish I could write you
a love song
tell the world what we've
been doin' all along
all along

It doesn't matter 
what they say
As long as we both know
that we're the ones
who decide to stay
and we're the ones 
who belong together
we're the ones who
who want it this way...

I wish I could write you
what my heart knows
that I love you and 
so it goes
I wish I could write you
a love song
the kind that lets 
the world know
what my heart knows..


this love song's
for you..





A beautiful November, 2013

Damn Shit Life

I'm loving my damn shit
life right now, right now
okay, somehow someway
I'm in real real heaven these
days..  not the kind of
heaven I can talk about
just a little smidge of
of somethin' making me smile
randomly and making
me    be   here   now....

I'm staying in this place
as long as I can cause
any day now, I could be
wrong, but any day now
I could be singing a
different song...
with indifferent endings
that just might make
me emotional and dig
deep inside that world..
all it would do is make
me sad inside and
make    me    cry .....

I don't know what I
did to deserve this
like did I get something
special for what as if  and
now it's become a turning
point that I'm thinkin'
while I'm here, just
let me state the facts
while I'm here, there's
nothing more that I
want   then   you

They say talking about it
is the way to the answer
but if I try to talk about
it I may not ever stop
it's a world that
I haven't been in
and what oh what the
hell made me come here
but world, I am in it
and I'm not not the hell
coming after but staying
in it and saying to you
can it be true...
I have fallen for you ?

I'm lovin' my damn shit
life right now and it's
all because of you yes you
and there ain't nothin you
or I can do about it
'cept just try to go with
it and let it happen
because we are good
together and sooner
or later sooner or later
they'll all know.....
I'm here in  heaven
with you........
lovin' my damn shit life.....

Taken By You

Your hand in mine, barely touching
wanting what I want
the anticipation of your lips
softly on mine
I'm taken by you

We're from different places,
I see things in the past
your kind of looking towards
the future and we don't always
have to be on the same side,
but I can't stop
wanting you or stop
remembering the way
you first kissed me and
I'm taken by you

Grab my hair, run your
fingers down my back
kissing me until I'm completely
breathless, I'm left limp
and wanting a future
with someone who loves me
like I love him...

I dreamed about you
I knew you were coming I
knew you would be everything
that I ever imagined but
even better because I never
knew who or why or when
I only knew I'd be
taken by you.....




October 2013

the beginning

tell me what you want
and don't play games
with me while you play
games with everyone else
lest you find one day
that I decided to go

you're arms around me
tell me something but
not enough, and don't
tell me what you feel or
how you think or what
you think you know

and mostly on those days
when I don't see you
makes me remember
that I want to see you
but you're no where and
it's getting late and no
wonder I wonder where
you are

if you really want me to
know then we could
already have this done
but I ask you and you
ask me and we both
can't say what our hearts
want to see

accept for that sly sneaky
kiss on the back of my neck
made me weak in my knees and
gave me shivers that I don't
mind but you never said
what it is and or what is was
and what we want or
do we want to but I
guess we do, well you do

so, do you think you can
tell me, shall I wait do you know
do we stay do I know
what I want you to know
how that meant so much
in the back of my mind
I was thinking I love you
I was thinking you know
I was thinking it's time
in the back of my mind
tell me what you want
and don't play games
tell me before it's too late
tell me
it's time



October 2013

The In Betweens

it wasn't where that they needed to be
was not there and didn't have to
it was somewhere and that's where everything
happened somewhere in between

she remembered how it was almost dawn
light peering through the door
not that she saw it only that she did
recall and it was only fleeting that she
thought how it was about to turn daylight

he ran his hand down her back
she inched her arms around his neck
as he pulled her close and held her
tight as if there would be nothing
left but air to grasp and then soon nothing
left to breathe....

she kissed his cheek, ever so close to his lips
his mouth groping for hers
tender, sweet, passionate, loving kisses
his each and everyone one better then
before making her want more and more
and the darkness filled their
in betweens

he grabbed her hair and gently pulled
her head back as he kissed her neck
from her lips all the way down
to her breasts and then
back up again to her mouth.. she
wrapped her hands around his
face and kissed him again
and again love and lust
intermingled in their arms

he pulled her blouse she modestly
tried to turn away, but he reached behind
her and unclasp her bra... he could not
stop himself and she did not want to stop
him now..

he grabbed her and lifted her
she mostly a willing participant, wrapped her
legs around him as he held her so close to him.
he sat her on the table and they made love
they made love like neither had before.

but now it was time to go, to leave
and what was to be done, there was
no answer to their love...they had no
choice for it was already in the morning
light now each and every kiss somewhere
out there and what was done, was done
and never knowing
where they were or where they were
going or where they were to be
and the morning light filling the air

too late to turn back secrets
that would stay between them forever
he held her hand and kissed so gently
the tears she cried when he said,"
not again, not ever again." Her heartache
filling the in betweens....


October 2013

And It Was

we sat across from each other,
at the table.
you with yours and me with mine
I asked for the salt
and you were the only one who heard me
the conversation was solemn each
remembering the agenda we had in mind
we talked about the weather
we talked about politics
we talked about animals
but we never talked about me & you
you asked a simple question
did anyone know what time it was
I looked into your face, the lovely story it told
I didn't want to move,
and then we were across the table, again

your water spilled and I reached to give
you napkins, everyone else oblivious
your hand touched mine, when
I looked up our eyes met, it was
only you and I, only you and I
trying to make sense of it
and then it was time to say goodbye
We all hugged, the obligatory hug,
I put my arms around you and feeling your arms
around me, while everyone else laughed
and made the small talk
I felt the way you feel.....
we said goodbye, fingers lingering
on your shoulders
loving from afar
as we sat across the table




October 2013

Fate

It's late. I have seen you many times before
Walking down a darkened path,
brushed against you through a door,
caught your eye across  the room
it's very very late

Not a day goes by
that you don't creep into my thoughts
like the clever magic man selling card
tricks on the corner
or the hat trick man who fools you
with his hat, every time
you creep into my thoughts when
I least expect, and I'm all alone

It's like a dream I had
many times before, each time wanting more
waking up to realize that it was
just another dream and each
time wondering what I dreamed it for

It's late. The sun has set beyond the horizon
and shadows skate across the hills
I am haunted by you, should we meet
on that darkened path that I should hold
you close and circumstance and all,
know you are the one

Fall is coming. I look outside, only to see
the leaves have dropped and covered the
ground with an orange and yellow carpet
And I see someone coming, can sense it too
I've been here before, at this door
but in all of history, never with you
in all of history, I see you
It's getting very very late
and somehow I wonder,
could it possibly at last
come true....






October 2013

If I Fell In Love With You....

"If I fell in love with you,
would you promise to be true
and help me, understand
cuz I've been in love before
and I found that love was more
then just holding hands....."

Beatles 1964


If I fall for you,
will you promise me that
you will always be there
and never leave me...
If I fall in love with you...

You see, I've been there before
you know, love and all and more
and each time that happened
it was more complicated then
just keeping up and keeping score
you see I've been there before.....

If I gave my heart to you
would you promise to be true..
see, I must know for sure,
right from the start that you
would never hurt me or
I could surely die if I found
our love a lie.....
If my heart I gave to you...

If I fell for you, can I
trust you to be faithful and true
will you promise to love me too
now and through the rest of time
forever and always you would be mine...
If I fell for you.....

If I loved you too, the way
that I think you may love me too
so, then, would you step on
my pride, make me feel bad inside ...

Well then,  I hope that you'll see
that I would love to fall for you
and that some may not see
it the same, and be hurt and
full of pain...

If we fell in love us two ...
If you fell for me, it's true ...

If I fell in love with you .....





September, 2013

Love

Wow. You're there. You started out as just
acquaintances... a hello there, a chance
meeting, a glance and then....
you became friends...

Friends. Not just acquaintances. Something
better, different even. Something more
intimate. Confidential. Trust. Something
you want to build on... maybe. But you
feel it. It feels okay. Friends.

Then life happens. Things change. Feelings
become more solid. A friend becomes
more then. He tells you things. You do
the same. He begins to rely on your
opinion and you trust in his. Each day
you find yourself wanting to spend
more time with him...he calling you at
1 am... you wanting him to come then...
and so it begins....

It didn't happen overnight. It took
time to see if you were meant to
be. And then,  suddenly
you're at the door...knocking on it
NO, pounding on that door
wanting to move in, to move
closer, to move together...to
learn how to love each other...
and it feels so right and so good....

But, love never prepared you for
the bad times, for the down times
for the sad things for the pain and
love never told you that one day
he would hurt you and you would
cry because you misunderstood or
he misunderstood..... And that
pain almost broke your heart and
little did he know, you wanted him
to just hold you until you stopped
crying... but of course, he never
knew... and he never held you....

But you kept trying because you knew
that what you felt was real and you
knew he felt it too... and you knew
that he wanted you more then
anything but just could not say it....
And isn't it funny how we just let
the most important things in our life
go when what we really want to do
is say what we feel and what we
want, yet we hide it all and in
the process we lose what we
had....

And so it is, the way love goes...
something that we never thought
about or planned... the ultimate of
what we want in life, that feeling
of wanting someone all the time and
getting butterflies every time you
see them...touching them and
just the feeling of closeness... the
one person in this whole wide
world that you and he want to be
with...each other.... and yet for
some reason, we forget what
or how it came to be...

Remembering love took so long
to get here....  and every part of
him is what you fell in love with..
not just his strong arms, but his
smile and his crooked feet and his
beautiful hands and the way he talks and
his swagger when he walks and especially
the way he looks at you and
says I love you with just his eyes....
all of that and yet.....

the tears have begun.... your love
is hard.... but you don't give up
because you know that in the end
he will be there for you and you for
him... You never asked for this, it
was given to you...a gift or a curse
... and now pain and heartache ... Now
the only thing you can count on is
him... he has brought you this and
you need to give it back...
So, you do, with all your heart....

he takes you in his arms and
nothing nothing in the world feels
like this. And when he looks at you
you never want him to let go....
and that's love...
always and forever
the look, the touch and
knowing he'll be there for you
always....
real true love





September 2013

Is It Choice or Fate?

I'm a romantic. Can't help it. I'm in love with the word LOVE
I could have been this way all my life, but I think not
It seems to be some sort of illness that has come upon me
the older I get. And this illness is unleashing a lot of holy hell
on me right about now.

So how did I get here?
That is the question that everyone is asking me
Well, everyone that wants to know has been
asking me and I do believe that love is not a
choice but just the way it's supposed to happen
in your life...

So in my infinite wisdom, I will explain;

In my opinion, love is not a choice..
meaning there is not a moment or a time
when you're with someone that you decide or say;
"I need to make a decision, right about now,
whether I'm going to fall in love with this
person or not! I mean, he's got no money, his job
sucks and he's married! What could be worse, right?
But there we are, falling in love with the guy
that has the least potential and the worse
history! Why would we do such a thing? Because
who we fall in love with, is not a choice.....

So what are some examples of falling in love...
you've been dating, or haven't been dating,
you see him across the room or you turn
and look at him and something twinges in
your heart or soul and suddenly you see
him all new or you see him in a different light
and you begin to feel all funny and giddy inside
and you're nervous around him and scared
and you can't stop thinking about him...ever! And
you feel sick sometimes when you think he
might fall out of love with you and all kinds of
neurotic kind of stuff that serves no purpose
other then making you more paranoid and
neurotic.
Now, THAT'S falling in love. And who decides
they want to experience that crap??

Could you foresee that happening, that you
would fall in love with that person?  Did you
know that at that moment in time, you would begin
to fall in love with him? I don't think so. Not a
foreshadowing ever in life could predict that
emotion coming... and I'll tell you why...

Because love creeps up on you...it's not
just smash in the face blam although, it can be,
But more than likely, starts out with a date, or
a fond hello..something that catches the eye
and makes us take notice of a certain someone.
At first, we're like, okay, I could go out
with this guy or I could have more conversations
with this guy but at no time did the word  "LOVE"
ever creep into our thoughts... or did it?

Then we begin the dating process however or
whatever you want to call it or how it begins is
all the same. You're interested, so you except
his invitation or you extend the invitation to him.
Somewhere along the way, feelings develop and you
don't have a choice as to which way this is going
to go...in the friend zone or the love zone.... And
whichever way it goes is just how it goes...you can't
make yourself love someone and you can't make
yourself fall out of love!

So, could we suffice it to say that maybe, just maybe
who you meet, is really fate and happens just the way
it's suppose to happen and you have little or no control
over this part of your life....

And that's what romance is and love and now I think
I've explained what it is....and to those out
there who think they can control their feelings, choose
who they love or if they're going to fall in love with
someone or not  .......
just try falling out of love, okay...... just try.....

from a Romantic at heart....


September 2013

Falling into Love

I dream that the ocean air is blowing ever so slightly

as we laze away our day on the veranda, feet 

hanging over the chaise, toes barely touching the water I open

my eyes as the sun peeks through the canape that

shades us...we are minutes from a beautiful sunset

 your hand reaches for mine....

You run your fingers along my arm, and I turn

towards you, as you lace your fingers around mine,

I feel your warmth and desire, as you

hold my hand ever so softly .....

You are my love, and in love I will stay with you

I want to hold you right now and never let you go

but the beautiful ocean calls to us, you pull on

 my hand and I open my eyes to see you

gazing into mine.....

Your soul is deep and old and I see the love you

have for me, it tugs at my heart so gently 

I tell you I love you with my eyes

You pull me closer to you and I feel your

gentle lips on mine...

You wrap your arm around my waist and

your passion fills me with so much love, 

I kiss you like I have never before.... the 

ocean laps at the edge of the dock,  as I feel your body
against mine...

You tell me you love me like the Gods 

love all of the earth and I run my hands

across your face and over your shoulders

 I feel that love from you......I know

that you love me now, I am so certain

of your love that I would bet all the money

in the world.... 

as the sun begins to set, I remind myself

what a beautiful man you are, eyes so bright, 

they let me know how you feel

skin so brown, lovely to be yours and lovely

to love... and I know that you feel the same

I stand up and grab you as I jump off

the dock; you follow and we splash into the

ocean... I wrap my arms around your neck as

we come together in the water and kiss....sun 

setting around us...

Right now, there is no greater love than ours...

We begin to realize this is not a dream

it is real and how we feel about one another

how much desire we have for each other

but we both know that this is not the

right time and we must wait.....

You kiss me with that kind of love

never wanting to let go....

I dream we are on the veranda and

we look at each other, and know.....

the salty damp air feels good on our

skin; the ocean calls to us... we grab

each other's hand and hold so tight

as we take that jump ... and we know.......

Like Flowers to Rain

How long do I have to wait
will it be forever - is that our
fate? Or are we just doomed
is it too late...
how long do I just ignore
the signs...
how long do I wait..

I keep asking myself, why am
I still here
feeling like every
moment is another year
wanting you to just be near
why am I still here

how long does my heart have to ache
while you play me for a fool,
like it's just a mistake
trying not to get wrapped into
who gives and who takes
how long does my heart have to ache

I'm all alone, waiting for you
and I can't believe that it's not true
that the love we've been feeling is
all sordid and that we're through
I'm still all alone, waiting for you

I need you now, like the flowers
to rain
I need you now, my love,
through my sorrow and pain
I need you to tell me that
we'll try once again, oh darlin',
I need you now like flowers
to rain

How long do I wait for you
so much love that I have and
my feelings so true,
I love you darlin' and can't
think of life without you,
So why do I still wait for you...
because I still love and
cherish you
And if you asked me tomorrow
what would I do, I would tell
you,
Like flowers to the rain, I will
always need you...



A Lovely August Day, 2013

She Will She Will

Did I see something in the way
you looked at her; a sparkle in your
eye that I had not seen before
did I did I

Could I be imagining that you and I are
finally alone and free, running like
the wind towards each other
and not afraid to feel what we feel
could I could I

Or am I just hanging on to something
I thought we could be, hoping that
you'll see me, standing here, like her and
wanting you more and more each day.
am I am I

what are we if we have nothing
between us as we search the days
looking for the love we want to share
what are we if we have nothing
but emptiness and a broken heart
that is all but that we have to compare ...

Did I see something in the way
you looked at her, a sparkle in
your eye, a smile turned a bit shy,
Did I see you stop and stare
only wishing that she care...
Did you tell her she looked nice
today, did you tell her just a little
somethin' more, something she
could take away .....from
someone she might adore....

Well, I've not seen that look, before from
you and want you to know that
was me looking back at you....and now
I know how you feel, can't hide it
anymore... you made me see,
you did  you did

Did I see a sparkle in your eye
when you looked at her, did she
tell you that she loved you and
for your love she would die.....

She will she will



Beautiful August, 2013

Code of Silence

we pass each other like strangers
you nod and then I nod back
as if a code of silence has taken us
and words are measured and kept
count of to be used against us
at a later time ...

I look for something in your eyes
a glint, or sparkle,  that tells me you
still feel the same.. but all I get is
a glance and then you look away and
I'm left with nothing but the calculating
nod....

I pretend the day is good to me
watching the clock and talking
about things that do not let me think and
that are not too deep or profound
or God forbid thoughts should wander in
my head and I think about nothing
but you instead....

but I'm lost and alone and don't
know what you're thinking or
why you're so polite and say,
"thank you" twenty times to me
or " take care of yourself" at the
end of the day; as if I were
the janitor.

I don't know if this is on purpose
or just out of spite or that we
lost our way or that we had
a fight
I don't know why I hurt so bad
inside and cannot tell you that
in spite of what you said I'm
not still mad...

and then another day goes by
and all I want to do is remember
the way it was and not think
about the way it is or how we
got here... I can't imagine any
more like this or this way I can't
imagine that you're still making
me pay...

when you used to say my name
it rang like bells in the air and
you said it over and over as if
your love was wrapped up in it
  ....and maybe it still is
but it's beginning to be another
dreadfully painful day
and no more then a sentence or
two about coffee and something
about the gum stuck on the
bottom of my shoe

but you didn't nod today, thank God,
 and I think I heard you say my name
under your breath when you
walked away, you whispered it
 low and my heart slowed
as I turned towards you but
you were already gone....

maybe tomorrow you'll say something
more  ..maybe tomorrow you'll want to
tell me what has happened to us and
me and you and why I'm
talking to the walls when I should
be talking to you...

and maybe tomorrow, we'll have
another answer for this wretched
web we're in...this quagmire of
illusion, this romantic confusion ...the
way it all fits together yet pulls us
apart...so complicated and yet
simple...

until then, I won't wait for you
in the morning dew, I won't kiss
you softly when the day is through
I won't look for you, or wait to
hear you call my name, I won't
wait for the silence to end...
But maybe somewhere, sometime
we can see this thing through
open up our hearts and
meet and start
anew

until then.....




July 2013

ramblings and meaningless words: Love At All Cost

ramblings and meaningless words: Love At All Cost: It's not what you saw or seen it's not what you had in your head it's never the way it seems at times it seems all but dead ...

Love At All Cost

It's not what you saw or seen
it's not what you had in your head
it's never the way it seems
at times it seems all but dead

love is not easy like that
nor is it something to find
it's more like a symphony
the building of a beautiful music kind

Even if your heart takes for granted
all the love that you gave
your head will try to warn you
make sure you're well aware....

and just when you think you have it
could be just your state of mind
of a love lost forlorn soul
that sees all but the truth he finds

For love is the greatest illusion,
yet is honest and real
but try to put it in a bottle
it becomes all so surreal

then watch it slip through your fingers
as it makes it way to your heart
and forms a perfect arrow
that gives you a painful start

it's not what she says
it's not what he does
it's not how you feel
it's not what it was

it's not tears that you cry
makes you want to lay down and die
it's not gut-wrenching hurt that you feel
makes you wish for your last meal

it's tearing and ripping your soul into two
it's shredding your heart and
makes you feel like the only fool
it's wishing for more and never wanting it to end
it's loving him more then you could ever pretend

what is love
is it all what we know
can we find it in you
is it something to bestow
do we learn it from heaven
our hearts overflow
did I take it for granted
did you think I too slow
Did we not reach for the highest
and fall short our grasp
did we not love from the farthest
and let go of our past.......

Did I forget where I was
did you allow me to be lost
did you measure my words
Did you love me at all costs......



July 2013

I Got You

I see you sitting across from me,
with all your confidence and bravado
poking fun at me and making me
feel quite stupid for the dumb
stuff I said about you. I watch you
as you pull your head back and
stroke your neck, and then you look at
me sideways cocking your head
You think I don't know what's in
your mind and you think you have
me fooled that you're not that into me
as you casually laugh and then stare
at me as if you could see right through..

When you walk into the room, you
look around to see whose
watching you saunter over but you never
catch me looking at you as you try to find
me first but don't want me to know because
you don't want anyone to know... yet how
is it that everyday, you look for me and
wait for me, and measure my every step
as I approach you only to give me
that big welcoming smile...and then walk
away... pretending not to see

You just keep on pretending honey
and you keep playing your games
I'll keep on walking and talking your
same old same old same... because
you hide it well my friend, but I
see straight through you...
You trying to tease me about this boy
and that guy don't think I don't know
you just want me to say how
I'm head over heels for you

And every day, when we see each other
you wait for me while pretending to be
interested in something else when all
you really want is to get near me. I know
 how much you want me
to be alone with me, to casually
adore me while making no commitments
on your part because you don't want
me to know that you can't stop yourself....

I already know all this as you sit there
across from me, making faces and
judging what I say, all cocky and
resolute. Thinking that your flattering me
with your meer presence. Thinking that I don't
know the fact that you got it bad
baby and after putting me through all
this, if you think  I'm going to let you
down easily, you got a lot more thinking
to do...


You must understand, the way this
works, you so busy over there avoiding
me, but looking for me, running towards
me, yet running away. You must think
I'm crazy that I don't see you falling
every minute of every day...  You
must think I'm lost and all alone, well
baby I got you, I got you good. And
I'm the only one who knows..

One of these days, I'll catch you
off guard, when you're trying so hard to
look away, only I'm going to surprise you with
something you never thought I'd do
and then we'll see what happens.
 You think you got me fooled,
but the only one you're foolin' is you...
because I got you babe, I got your
heart right here and there's no way I'm letting
go...

I see you sitting there, so strong and sweet
when I look into your eyes, I see how
much you care... you may think you have me
and maybe you do, but I know I got you,
I got you too. We pretend every day
and I kind of  like that too. But there's no
one for me other then you.

You and me
playing this game, learning so much about you
and you learning too...
I see you watchin' me, making me
feel so good. I see you and
I know it's for real...just as long as I got you
I know we'll be okay because
it's not just this and that
it's so much more and I
all I know is
I love you....
and I got you good.

 



July 2013

Breathe You In

I am so lost right now and
my mind is so confused the
one thing I thought was real and
true, doesn't seem to be there
I miss you

I try to remember the curve of
your smile when you liked what
I said and it brings me back to
where we were... yesterday
I'm so strung out on you

All the things I said I
meant and everything I did, I
did for us you were always
on my mind and in my heart
and I can't stop thinking
about you

oh how a weakness comes
over me, I want to see you wherever
you are, I want to hear your voice making me
melt like ice cream on a hot summer day
your arms so strong around me
you whisper in my ear and I
breathe you in......

I feel your touch, oh so soft
on my leg as you move me closer
and take my face in your
hands kissing my eyes and nose and
inch your way down my neck and I
I take a deep breath and ....
breath you in...

Baby, you have to believe that our
love comes along once in a life time
not for those who don't care or for
those who don't know how to love
again,  and
even though you're not with me
now, just know that I love you
every part of you;  and I'm sorry for
what I said and what I did
and all I want to do
is just....
breath you in
again  .......



July 2013

And It Hurts So Bad

I guess I was wrong
about you
I guess when you told me
that you trusted me and
you had my back
you didn't really mean it
and it hurts so bad

I guess I was wrong
about you
when you told me all
those sweet things
that made my heart
open up and feel again
when you told me that
you loved me but didn't really
mean it
and it hurts so bad


I guess I was wrong
when I told you I loved you
because you didn't really listen
and you tell me that you
don't believe me now
I guess I was wrong

my love my love my love
you made me see that
two people could find
their way and
learn to love each other
and stay together
and no baby, you didn't
tell me that you wouldn't trust me
no you never told me that

and you never told me
that your words would be
empty and you didn't mean
a single one of them

But most of all, when I told
you I loved you, it was
straight from the heart
and the fact that you don't
believe me, the fact that
you don't want to believe
me, makes me wonder
because your the best
thing, the best thing
that ever happened
to me

So I just wanted you to know
I'm sorry that you've lost
all faith in me, in our love
in our world that we built
I'm sorry that you didn't see
the real me.
I gave you everything I had
and you're still telling me
that you don't trust me
I'm so heart broken
but I can't change your mind
I just gotta let it go
and more then anything
else... it hurts so bad

I guess you could say
I'm really the sucker,
because everything I told
you everything I said and
everything you told me and
everything you said....
is gone...and all because
and all because
of one thing one
thing....
I loved you
and it hurts so bad....




July 2013

He's Cool Like That...

I see you comin' with your hat pulled down
So you think you can just do that
and nothing or nobody's going to notice
or even care that you do that
But I do

If you're thinkin' that your so incognito
I just want you to know
I saw right through you and believe me
I know but you're thinkin' nobody's
going to notice
But I do

You got that swagger when you walk too
all suave and cool
thinkin' that the girls will swoon
and that nothin's going to come of it
and no one will care what you do
But I do

Yeah, you're cool alright, so cool
your voice is like butter
and you're thinkin' you can sweet
talk anyone, and that no one is
going to care,
But I do

And I see you smilin' out the side of your mouth
and your teeth are pretty and your lips
so sweet, but you're thinkin' I don't see you
you're thinkin' no one cares
You're thinkin' your alone in this world
and all you want is someone to hear
But I do

Go ahead, boy, try all that on me
see, I'm a girl that's fait accompli
you can try all your tricks on me
ain't nobody gonna get me
and I don't care whose watchin'
or if you care,
Boy, you better get it together
if you want me to be there.

See, when I make up my mind
oh, you will be mine
you're too weak to stop me
and I'm not just going to sit around
and watch you waste your time
so, all your jivin' and walkin' and
talkin' and smilin' thinkin' that
nothin's going to come of it
You better watch yourself
cuz baby, I will
I most definitely will....



July 2013

You and I

You and I

It's sad how we just muddle through
neither one of us
wanting to give up or give in
or know what to do

And each time I see you
I fall madly again

You and I
we drift and crash and all
we feel, all we love, all we know
is wrapped up in that
first  hello
and both of us
to stubborn to let go

Somehow you want me to wait
and I'm trying, my love
but it's so hard to watch
you crash and burn
I can't stand to see you cry
can't stand to see your eyes
Can't stand to see the hurt

You and I
we muddle through
you wanting me to wait for you
me wanting so much of you

And all I can ever think of is
all I ever yearn for is
all I ever dream of is

when will
we ever begin



You and I

You and I




July 2013

Pretend

Last night I pretended you were here.

You came in like you owned the place, took your shoes off and sat down on the couch.

I was nervous and tried to think of just the right things to say

When I moved closer to you, you stood up. When I moved back, you sat back down.

I know you wanted to see me, but you didn't know what to do when you got here.

We watched the news and hardly spoke.

Then, you asked me if I wanted something at the store.

To which I said, yes, ice cream please.

Your eyes lit up when you said, "I'll be right back!"

Seems like you were gone forever. I did up some dishes;

fixed my hair, again; sprayed Juicy perfume all over the couch;

checked my lip gloss and finally sat back down, in my corner.

When you came back, you went straight to the kitchen.

A few minutes later you came out with two bowls of ice cream with

whipped cream and chocolate syrup swirled around in it.

You gave one to me and then sat at my feet and ate yours.


Then you put your bowl down and said, "you have nice feet."

"Thank you," I was so nervous.

"You have nice legs too and gorgeous eyes. Come here and sit with me.."

I was so taken, I immediately put down my bowl and scooted to the floor.

"Your hair is beautiful," you said as you reached across me and put your hand

in my hair.

I could not hear a word you were saying when  you grabbed me and

kissed me. That kiss never ended and we found ourselves on the floor

the next morning.

When you woke up, you said, "Have to go," then you hugged me and left.

I pretended it was okay to leave.

I pretended not to care.

When I saw you a little later I told you that I was with someone else.

You acted like you were hurt.

But I pretended it didn't matter.

I saw you last night with her.

When you saw me and tried to talk to me

I pretended I didn't see you there.

And then I pretended not to cry.

And pretended I didn't love you anymore.

Tonight I'll pretend you came back to me

and this time, I'll pretend that I love you and

never, never, never  let you go.





June 2013.

So Not Another Sad Sad Song....

so not like any other day
so not without you
so not like even yesterday
so not being here all alone
and trying to move on, movin' on
like all those sad sad songs.....

so not your words you
said to me
so not the way you
want it to be
so not your heart that
skips a beat
so not a conversation
on the phone
and trying to figure out
why you're stringin' me along
like all those sad sad songs


now I'm not gonna chase you
and I'm not going to set you
free
I'm just about to regulate ya'
and you aren't  going to
even see
how much I really really love
you
how much I really really care
there is no settin' free
about ya'
I'm not lettin' this thing get me
your not leavin' me be
I'm not leavin' without ya'


because, it'so not like any other day
so not like this day, without you
so not like even yesterday
so I'm not being here at  all
alone without ya'
and you're not movin on movin on
like all those sad sad songs
all those sad sad songs
So not, not stringin/ me along
so not just another sad sad song
just another sad sad love song




June 2013 Lyrics

Thoughts of Sharlotte

He knew he had made a mistake the
minute he said it, but the damage was done.

Her face dropped as she realized he was
talking to her and that all the promises
he had made were not to be.

She pretended not to hear as she excused
herself from the room, tears beginning
to roll down her cheeks.

He also knew he couldn't go after her.
It would be too obvious. He had to let
her go, a big lump in his throat.
He looked down , trying to gather
his thoughts and emotions. A panic set
over him.

The restroom was crowded as she
made her way to the open stall.
She was crying uncontrollably now.
She knew exactly what he meant.
She just couldn't' believe he had just
told the world.
She sobbed for the love they
may have had.

He had to leave the room, go find
her, apologize, figure this out...what
to say to her, what to do.
He walked in to the ladies room.

"Sharlotte?"

She heard him but couldn't believe
he had come, no qualms on entering
the woman's restroom. She
stayed quiet.

He was devastated and could hardly
hold back all the emotions he felt
right then. Why, why, did I say
such a thing? He questioned his
motives. He loved her but hadn't
been able to tell her, yet.
She waited until he was gone and
slipped out the door. From there
she tried to escape out the back.

Just when she thought she was
in the clear, she heard his voice.

"Sharlotte? Are you okay?"
She turned around and smiled, "Yeah,
it's cool. I'm good, why, what's up?"

He choked back his words. "Are you sure?"

She was good at pretending after all
this time. She had loved him and
could not let him know.
"Yes, I've got to go, though..."
She walked away. It was all she
could do before she would burst into
tears in front of him. She was almost
safe in her car when she heard him again...

"Sharlotte..." he was pretending he had
a microphone in his hand and he sang
a song to her;

              "Spending my day, thinking about you...
                      being here with you, being near to you...
                            You gotta let me know how you feel....
                                   And I'm wrapped up in your arms...
                            Because I'm still in love with you...."

She turned and smiled and waved.
When she got home, she put on her
pajamas and cried herself to sleep.
She knew he would not, could not
call her.

It was one of those awful reasons
that Sharlotte knew she could
no longer wait for him. She would have
to let him go. And it was breaking her
heart.

He drove home only worried about
Sharlotte. What would she do? She
couldn't give up now...they were so
close...he had fallen in love with her.

He used his key to open the door.
His wife was cooking dinner.
He made his way to the bathroom,
where he stayed for the next hour..
sickness had overcome him  and
thoughts of Sharlotte....


June 21, 2013

Song by Al Green, "Still In Love With You"

stickin' with it

it was some l i t t l e   argument

not even worth mentioning

although, I was pretty mad

at the time...

did I tell you, it  f e l t  good ?

well, I don't have to go into

that now


i don't know what came over me

by the time i was boiling, i knew i

couldn't just let it  goooooo....    oh   noooooooo !!

o h,  it did cause me to have the

H O T S  for him!

(let's not go there yet)


so now, I'm in his face...

i'm not just in his face

I'm     I N    H I S   F A C E

and I'm this'n and that'n

and I'm saying "you're going to do that to me?"

again, "YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME?"

and I'm saying, NO, I'm yelling' ; 

"W H YYYYYYY,  Would YOU DO THAT TO ME!!

but, not lettin' him answer not a one of these

pertinent questions....  NOT A ONE...


and I got to admit,  I was on a roll

but I wasn't all C R A Z Y

i was makin' sense

And all I could hear him

sayin' was, CALM DOWN

and I'm like, with my face in his, like

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN


damn good stuff

damn


And he said, DAMN GIRL

YOU TOOK IT TO A WHOLE OTHER PLACE...

IT's NOT ALL THAT SERIOUS!

oh really now.....  i said,  O H   R E A L L Y   N O W  !


and I was doin' sooooo  good!  I was !!!

no tears, no screamin' and no repeatin'

that repeatin' shit just means you don't know WHAT THE HELL

you're mad about

But, I had a legitimate beef


and at some point...

at some fine point of this whole slam down


he got really close to me

really really close

almost nose to nose

and he's not lookin' away

he is not backing down

and he's not mad

but he's talkin' to me in this

CALM VOICE

ugh

And I realize damn ,  I realize

that you are lookin' at me with

those eyes...  

don't even go there , PLEASE

my GOD

now, who would have seen this comin'.. it was

like being in a movie....

the sun was just in that one eye...

that one, oh geez, gorgeous eye (I mean,

they're both gorgeous, but it just happened

to be in that one eye...)

all brown, just glowing...glowing shit

just glowing and with a big black pupil

lookin' at me, sparkling and shit

and I'm like,

what the F***K!

NOW WHAT????

all tryin' to use your beautiful gorgeous

eye on me.... THIS just is not fair....

and for a moment, I had some clarity

I did

the clarity told me,

"Look, girl, he's lookin' at you with that

love in his eyes... now, tell me that you

can fight with that?  How CAN YOU DO THAT

TO THAT POOR BOY???"

ANd it took everything, I mean

EVERYTHING 

to not just grab that guy

that absolutely gorgeous guy

and kiss him right there and then

I'm fightin' every urge...

CAN'T KISS HIM WHEN I"M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT

what would be the point of the fight then??????

I'm askin'???

and what do you think happened next?

well, what else, he kept in my face, with his

gorgeous eyes and what else....

talkin' some kind of man-sense...

makin' me feel slightly nutty

just slightly

and he's like, damn girl, i

didn't know you had it in you

but calm down, it's going to be okay

i didn't mean anything by it

i was only kidding....

i was only kidding.....


here's the thing,

you know how we as women, have

to stand up for ourselves and sometimes

we take it just a little too far.....

okay, so I KNOW you understand.....

and well, I know you'll understand

when i tell you, you know,

in the end....

some guys got some kind

of ways of doing stuff... pulling you in

sucking you in to their side of thinking.... now,

don't they?  before you know it

don't laugh ladies

in the end, he had me

apologizing to him....



NOW......  don't go there with me....

he deserved the apology

I mean, well, he did. Between clairty and

him explaining what he meant, I did see

his point....but I did get my point

across and he ain't never never never never

going to that again....

but what i liked about that whole blow out was

he never backed down

he never left me while i

was going wild

he had a hold of me and

just fought it out

we fought it out

he told me he was sorry

and the next day

he called me cat woman

there's something to be said about a

guy who sticks with you

in a fight and didn't give up

and didn't let go until I did

that's a hell of a guy .....

made me love him even more....



there's not going to be 

a round 2....just sayin..





June 20, 2013

what might have been

my tears rolled down my

cheeks, burning my eyes and

blurring my vision..

I could hardly see, driving

home

the problem is I can't

talk to you

I can't tell you how I

feel oh, I know you know

 because it's so

obvious and you,  playing all your little

hide n' seek games;  spending

hours and days and weeks and months

together, making me feel like

no one could ever be as good as

us like we are....

but I can't tell you baby,

I can't tell you how much I

have fallen for you,

how when you look into

my eyes I want to hold you

forever...I can't tell you how

I want to wake up next to you

and stay with you forever...


So, now that you

got me and I got you where

do we go from here

see that's where I'm

so confused

it's impossible for me

and impossible for you too

we got our secrets

and this is all the love

the two of us will see


So tonight my baby when

I look up at the moon

I'll think about what could

have been and what might

be and wish that all my

sweet love finds you and

one day, maybe

we'll be together

and all our love will

light up the sky and

you'll be mine,

forever

but until that day

I'm still gonna love you

and want you

and cry for

what might have been

what could be

what should be

one day







June 18, 2013

Secrets

We had to hide

everything.. and no one could know

how we really felt or how we

really loved each other

the secrets we kept

were tearing us apart

When I saw your face that day

I knew something had

gone completely wrong

and then you told me and

oh, I felt so bad,

so bad for you

and just like that

our secret world started

to fall apart right before

us and like sand in our

hands, slipping away


how was I to know this

was the last time I would

see you, how was I

to know, this would

be the last time I would

be with you

we cried in each other's arms

as  you confessed the whole

thing to me, and

I tried not to believe it

I just couldn't even

imagine that my love

could be yanked from

me, in such a way


But, honey, so much

time has passed and I haven't

seen you in so long

and I haven't even

 spoken to you


And, my love, I just had to

say,   if you see this

or hear my voice or see me

on television or the radio,

please give

me another chance for

I have learned my lesson

and each and every day

I regret not telling you

my side of our secret

world but I've made

a better life for myself

I've got my shit together

and every day, I see you

every where I go and

I pretend you still hold me

and love me

and can't live without me

I want you more then

before and I know that

we can make this work

I've got it bad, baby

Just honey, please,

come back to me

come back to me


the secrets that we had

just makes us that much

stronger, makes me know

that what we had was real

our love was meant to last

longer


they say time heals but

I'm still waiting

waiting for you

secret

love

my secret

was you




June 16th, 2013.

A Simple Twist

you,

comin' on so strong

thought you had me

when you said you

were wrong

first saying one thing

then the other

trying to confuse me

oh boy, you ain't my lover



You,

comin' on like that

make me believe

it's not where your at

then side steppin' into

your acrobats

makin' me think you care

makin' me think you dare


See,

the thing is that you

underestimated me and what

I could do to you

so, you were deep

into what you wanted to

say and think,  how you

had to say it, how you

wanted to play it,  you

must have forgot about me



Trying so hard to make

me want you

didn't see me comin'

after you

And now, you don't know

what to do


Just close your eyes

and strap on your belt

it's my turn, baby

the games have just begun

you don't know when it's real

and how it felt


You,

comin' on so strong

and me

wanting you right

or wrong

got you right where

you belong....

and when I feel

you've paid your dues

then you might have me

or not, it's true


See, I'm not your muse

to be played with

and used

you, thinkin'

you had me

now, close your eyes, baby

it's too late and

you've been fooled

there ain't nothin' like

breakin' the golden rule......



Revised 5-28-20

I Was Just Thinkin' ....

I was thinkin' about you last night

not the way it is, but the way it

used to be

I remembered when I would

tell you how much I loved

you, and you hung on

every word

You would look at me with

those beautiful eyes and

without even saying anything

I would know you loved

me too

our love was so strong

I couldn't think of anything

else but you

But lately, we've been at each

other

And I sense something is

not quite right

Tell me that I'm wrong

that the feelings that

you  had, are still going

strong and tell me

that you love me, tell me so true

I'm not going to fight you

I never could

I just want to know, now

are we, have we, come undone

Give me a sign, I need you now

give me something that I can go by


I was thinking about you last night

the way it used to be,

because I still love you just the same

tell me, of all the possibilities

Summer breezes are calling me now

just tell me what I need to know

tell me that are love is still strong

tell me baby, before I go........



June 16, 2013

The End of My Rope

I knew it was time

I got to the end of that rope

and tried to pull myself up

but, I didn't have the strength

my arms were tired and I was weak

and all I kept thinking was," I can't leave you."


My dreams at night are filled with

all the images of you

smiling, laughing, joking, teasing

your voice haunting each dream

making me want you more then

the day before and the day before

that


I tried so hard to not feel this way

because what you don't know

is I cried all the way home

yesterday.

It's just that I'm obsessed now.

I can't forget a thing about you

and I can't do anything

anything about it and I can't

change a damn thing about

the way I feel


So, it's the end of my rope

you see and it's time for me

to take

a giant leap, a jump if you will

into your heart,

your  mind and your soul and Oh,

I won't be afraid because it was

so inevitable and somehow,

I know how you feel

You see, I see it in your eyes,

in everything you do, you just

don't know what to do and

I just didn't know it would happen

this way, with you, now


So, tomorrow when I see you

I may seem somewhat melancholy,

I may seem a little serious

I may stare into your eyes a little

longer then I usually do

or I may stare at your lips and

you may ask

me what is going on and

I might tell you that today,

yes, today, I've decide that I

love you and even though

it's something we can't do

anything about...I know that

you feel the same... you see,

it's been coming.. it's not what

I wanted...but it's what I got

And for now, if love is all I got,

then I think you ought to take it

It's not given lightly or carelessly

But it's with all my heart that

I give you all I got...and

in the end of this...when weeks and

months and maybe years have passed

you'll know that I was right to

tell you and most of all it was

was the best time ever, to

give up on that rope

We'll be okay,

we really will...

I love you







June 12, 2013