Thoughts of Sharlotte

He knew he had made a mistake the
minute he said it, but the damage was done.

Her face dropped as she realized he was
talking to her and that all the promises
he had made were not to be.

She pretended not to hear as she excused
herself from the room, tears beginning
to roll down her cheeks.

He also knew he couldn't go after her.
It would be too obvious. He had to let
her go, a big lump in his throat.
He looked down , trying to gather
his thoughts and emotions. A panic set
over him.

The restroom was crowded as she
made her way to the open stall.
She was crying uncontrollably now.
She knew exactly what he meant.
She just couldn't' believe he had just
told the world.
She sobbed for the love they
may have had.

He had to leave the room, go find
her, apologize, figure this out...what
to say to her, what to do.
He walked in to the ladies room.

"Sharlotte?"

She heard him but couldn't believe
he had come, no qualms on entering
the woman's restroom. She
stayed quiet.

He was devastated and could hardly
hold back all the emotions he felt
right then. Why, why, did I say
such a thing? He questioned his
motives. He loved her but hadn't
been able to tell her, yet.
She waited until he was gone and
slipped out the door. From there
she tried to escape out the back.

Just when she thought she was
in the clear, she heard his voice.

"Sharlotte? Are you okay?"
She turned around and smiled, "Yeah,
it's cool. I'm good, why, what's up?"

He choked back his words. "Are you sure?"

She was good at pretending after all
this time. She had loved him and
could not let him know.
"Yes, I've got to go, though..."
She walked away. It was all she
could do before she would burst into
tears in front of him. She was almost
safe in her car when she heard him again...

"Sharlotte..." he was pretending he had
a microphone in his hand and he sang
a song to her;

              "Spending my day, thinking about you...
                      being here with you, being near to you...
                            You gotta let me know how you feel....
                                   And I'm wrapped up in your arms...
                            Because I'm still in love with you...."

She turned and smiled and waved.
When she got home, she put on her
pajamas and cried herself to sleep.
She knew he would not, could not
call her.

It was one of those awful reasons
that Sharlotte knew she could
no longer wait for him. She would have
to let him go. And it was breaking her
heart.

He drove home only worried about
Sharlotte. What would she do? She
couldn't give up now...they were so
close...he had fallen in love with her.

He used his key to open the door.
His wife was cooking dinner.
He made his way to the bathroom,
where he stayed for the next hour..
sickness had overcome him  and
thoughts of Sharlotte....


June 21, 2013

Song by Al Green, "Still In Love With You"

stickin' with it

it was some l i t t l e   argument

not even worth mentioning

although, I was pretty mad

at the time...

did I tell you, it  f e l t  good ?

well, I don't have to go into

that now


i don't know what came over me

by the time i was boiling, i knew i

couldn't just let it  goooooo....    oh   noooooooo !!

o h,  it did cause me to have the

H O T S  for him!

(let's not go there yet)


so now, I'm in his face...

i'm not just in his face

I'm     I N    H I S   F A C E

and I'm this'n and that'n

and I'm saying "you're going to do that to me?"

again, "YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME?"

and I'm saying, NO, I'm yelling' ; 

"W H YYYYYYY,  Would YOU DO THAT TO ME!!

but, not lettin' him answer not a one of these

pertinent questions....  NOT A ONE...


and I got to admit,  I was on a roll

but I wasn't all C R A Z Y

i was makin' sense

And all I could hear him

sayin' was, CALM DOWN

and I'm like, with my face in his, like

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN


damn good stuff

damn


And he said, DAMN GIRL

YOU TOOK IT TO A WHOLE OTHER PLACE...

IT's NOT ALL THAT SERIOUS!

oh really now.....  i said,  O H   R E A L L Y   N O W  !


and I was doin' sooooo  good!  I was !!!

no tears, no screamin' and no repeatin'

that repeatin' shit just means you don't know WHAT THE HELL

you're mad about

But, I had a legitimate beef


and at some point...

at some fine point of this whole slam down


he got really close to me

really really close

almost nose to nose

and he's not lookin' away

he is not backing down

and he's not mad

but he's talkin' to me in this

CALM VOICE

ugh

And I realize damn ,  I realize

that you are lookin' at me with

those eyes...  

don't even go there , PLEASE

my GOD

now, who would have seen this comin'.. it was

like being in a movie....

the sun was just in that one eye...

that one, oh geez, gorgeous eye (I mean,

they're both gorgeous, but it just happened

to be in that one eye...)

all brown, just glowing...glowing shit

just glowing and with a big black pupil

lookin' at me, sparkling and shit

and I'm like,

what the F***K!

NOW WHAT????

all tryin' to use your beautiful gorgeous

eye on me.... THIS just is not fair....

and for a moment, I had some clarity

I did

the clarity told me,

"Look, girl, he's lookin' at you with that

love in his eyes... now, tell me that you

can fight with that?  How CAN YOU DO THAT

TO THAT POOR BOY???"

ANd it took everything, I mean

EVERYTHING 

to not just grab that guy

that absolutely gorgeous guy

and kiss him right there and then

I'm fightin' every urge...

CAN'T KISS HIM WHEN I"M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT

what would be the point of the fight then??????

I'm askin'???

and what do you think happened next?

well, what else, he kept in my face, with his

gorgeous eyes and what else....

talkin' some kind of man-sense...

makin' me feel slightly nutty

just slightly

and he's like, damn girl, i

didn't know you had it in you

but calm down, it's going to be okay

i didn't mean anything by it

i was only kidding....

i was only kidding.....


here's the thing,

you know how we as women, have

to stand up for ourselves and sometimes

we take it just a little too far.....

okay, so I KNOW you understand.....

and well, I know you'll understand

when i tell you, you know,

in the end....

some guys got some kind

of ways of doing stuff... pulling you in

sucking you in to their side of thinking.... now,

don't they?  before you know it

don't laugh ladies

in the end, he had me

apologizing to him....



NOW......  don't go there with me....

he deserved the apology

I mean, well, he did. Between clairty and

him explaining what he meant, I did see

his point....but I did get my point

across and he ain't never never never never

going to that again....

but what i liked about that whole blow out was

he never backed down

he never left me while i

was going wild

he had a hold of me and

just fought it out

we fought it out

he told me he was sorry

and the next day

he called me cat woman

there's something to be said about a

guy who sticks with you

in a fight and didn't give up

and didn't let go until I did

that's a hell of a guy .....

made me love him even more....



there's not going to be 

a round 2....just sayin..





June 20, 2013

what might have been

my tears rolled down my

cheeks, burning my eyes and

blurring my vision..

I could hardly see, driving

home

the problem is I can't

talk to you

I can't tell you how I

feel oh, I know you know

 because it's so

obvious and you,  playing all your little

hide n' seek games;  spending

hours and days and weeks and months

together, making me feel like

no one could ever be as good as

us like we are....

but I can't tell you baby,

I can't tell you how much I

have fallen for you,

how when you look into

my eyes I want to hold you

forever...I can't tell you how

I want to wake up next to you

and stay with you forever...


So, now that you

got me and I got you where

do we go from here

see that's where I'm

so confused

it's impossible for me

and impossible for you too

we got our secrets

and this is all the love

the two of us will see


So tonight my baby when

I look up at the moon

I'll think about what could

have been and what might

be and wish that all my

sweet love finds you and

one day, maybe

we'll be together

and all our love will

light up the sky and

you'll be mine,

forever

but until that day

I'm still gonna love you

and want you

and cry for

what might have been

what could be

what should be

one day







June 18, 2013

Secrets

We had to hide

everything.. and no one could know

how we really felt or how we

really loved each other

the secrets we kept

were tearing us apart

When I saw your face that day

I knew something had

gone completely wrong

and then you told me and

oh, I felt so bad,

so bad for you

and just like that

our secret world started

to fall apart right before

us and like sand in our

hands, slipping away


how was I to know this

was the last time I would

see you, how was I

to know, this would

be the last time I would

be with you

we cried in each other's arms

as  you confessed the whole

thing to me, and

I tried not to believe it

I just couldn't even

imagine that my love

could be yanked from

me, in such a way


But, honey, so much

time has passed and I haven't

seen you in so long

and I haven't even

 spoken to you


And, my love, I just had to

say,   if you see this

or hear my voice or see me

on television or the radio,

please give

me another chance for

I have learned my lesson

and each and every day

I regret not telling you

my side of our secret

world but I've made

a better life for myself

I've got my shit together

and every day, I see you

every where I go and

I pretend you still hold me

and love me

and can't live without me

I want you more then

before and I know that

we can make this work

I've got it bad, baby

Just honey, please,

come back to me

come back to me


the secrets that we had

just makes us that much

stronger, makes me know

that what we had was real

our love was meant to last

longer


they say time heals but

I'm still waiting

waiting for you

secret

love

my secret

was you




June 16th, 2013.

A Simple Twist

you,

comin' on so strong

thought you had me

when you said you

were wrong

first saying one thing

then the other

trying to confuse me

oh boy, you ain't my lover



You,

comin' on like that

make me believe

it's not where your at

then side steppin' into

your acrobats

makin' me think you care

makin' me think you dare


See,

the thing is that you

underestimated me and what

I could do to you

so, you were deep

into what you wanted to

say and think,  how you

had to say it, how you

wanted to play it,  you

must have forgot about me



Trying so hard to make

me want you

didn't see me comin'

after you

And now, you don't know

what to do


Just close your eyes

and strap on your belt

it's my turn, baby

the games have just begun

you don't know when it's real

and how it felt


You,

comin' on so strong

and me

wanting you right

or wrong

got you right where

you belong....

and when I feel

you've paid your dues

then you might have me

or not, it's true


See, I'm not your muse

to be played with

and used

you, thinkin'

you had me

now, close your eyes, baby

it's too late and

you've been fooled

there ain't nothin' like

breakin' the golden rule......



Revised 5-28-20

I Was Just Thinkin' ....

I was thinkin' about you last night

not the way it is, but the way it

used to be

I remembered when I would

tell you how much I loved

you, and you hung on

every word

You would look at me with

those beautiful eyes and

without even saying anything

I would know you loved

me too

our love was so strong

I couldn't think of anything

else but you

But lately, we've been at each

other

And I sense something is

not quite right

Tell me that I'm wrong

that the feelings that

you  had, are still going

strong and tell me

that you love me, tell me so true

I'm not going to fight you

I never could

I just want to know, now

are we, have we, come undone

Give me a sign, I need you now

give me something that I can go by


I was thinking about you last night

the way it used to be,

because I still love you just the same

tell me, of all the possibilities

Summer breezes are calling me now

just tell me what I need to know

tell me that are love is still strong

tell me baby, before I go........



June 16, 2013

The End of My Rope

I knew it was time

I got to the end of that rope

and tried to pull myself up

but, I didn't have the strength

my arms were tired and I was weak

and all I kept thinking was," I can't leave you."


My dreams at night are filled with

all the images of you

smiling, laughing, joking, teasing

your voice haunting each dream

making me want you more then

the day before and the day before

that


I tried so hard to not feel this way

because what you don't know

is I cried all the way home

yesterday.

It's just that I'm obsessed now.

I can't forget a thing about you

and I can't do anything

anything about it and I can't

change a damn thing about

the way I feel


So, it's the end of my rope

you see and it's time for me

to take

a giant leap, a jump if you will

into your heart,

your  mind and your soul and Oh,

I won't be afraid because it was

so inevitable and somehow,

I know how you feel

You see, I see it in your eyes,

in everything you do, you just

don't know what to do and

I just didn't know it would happen

this way, with you, now


So, tomorrow when I see you

I may seem somewhat melancholy,

I may seem a little serious

I may stare into your eyes a little

longer then I usually do

or I may stare at your lips and

you may ask

me what is going on and

I might tell you that today,

yes, today, I've decide that I

love you and even though

it's something we can't do

anything about...I know that

you feel the same... you see,

it's been coming.. it's not what

I wanted...but it's what I got

And for now, if love is all I got,

then I think you ought to take it

It's not given lightly or carelessly

But it's with all my heart that

I give you all I got...and

in the end of this...when weeks and

months and maybe years have passed

you'll know that I was right to

tell you and most of all it was

was the best time ever, to

give up on that rope

We'll be okay,

we really will...

I love you







June 12, 2013