Day 1

 I thought when I moved back to Long Beach, it might be easier. Nope, it wasn't.  I mean, if you count the first day, you'll know exactly what I mean. It's been 3 days now, and each day has been a triumph. First, you ask, why am I moving back?  Does it really matter anymore. No it doesn't. So what if my car was towed the first day. I've not had a home in more than 6 months. When I found out about the apartment, I cried. And cried. Day 2. 

Yeah

 yeah so like I said, it never seems to get better

I mean, maybe I just needed a vacation

there's no real answer here, no piffany, 

it's out of control, always today

I can keep this up, or not

yeah so for the betterment of all

I keep pushing on, trying so hard.

I'm not done yet, as I look forward to

the answers will they come, maybe

one day .

out of control and no answers today

tomorrow or any other day. I want to scream. 

yeah.

tomorrow and no answers today 

 

 

AGAIN

 I ducked behind the aisle; he didn't see me ... close call

couldn't believe I saw him, it'd been a little while

and then not at all

my heart beat so fast, I needed to run away

when I stepped up to the counter,

got my credit card to pay

and I picked up a magazine,

When I looked up to put it back on the shelf,

there he was, with a smile, made me think

of myself and

all the love that was lost and driven away

and all the times I came back, and

tried to stay, I

waved a little and made my way out of the store;

throwing the bags,

in the stupid car,

driving and home... I'm feeling so bad,

when tears of sorrow were all I once had,

and nothing, nothing was more

Weeks went by, when I'm at the cafe', having a cup of coffee and

working on a new story, enjoying my day, when

the

chair behind me moved, and I heard him say .."may I sit here," and I said, " I'd like you better if you promised not to stay"....

He looked almost the same, and... I brushed away my hair, thinking, why am I so nervous

with him sitting there. And

now, I'm watching him the way he tips his chin; laughed out loud, eyes sparkling

only makes me remember

all the beginnings and all the ends

Trying to look away, feelings creeping in but

trying only makes it worse

I'm beginning to forgive again, I

look around the cafe';

a small world to have profound things happen in...

I feel myself be drawn

as our conversation

dances in

and out of coffee cups and table tops and then

I know where I've gone and where I've been

and I know that it's happening

all over

again

2012

and then I was old

seems like it was so our time and

we were together,  hand and hand

 we held each other tight, made the cold nights

warm delight and the day night light and we   

we were together, and it was our time

every song that you played, would ring in my head

and I would sing that tune hoping that it was

part of us, or at least part of us and you together

But, that's all I had to hang on to, and something made me hang on

to and something made me hang on to

so i waited for you my careless love, to catch up

just one more time to be together , your touch, your so near

you say, "i was special, dear " and when she walked up and you turned and

and then your hand slip from mine and then your hand slipped from mine

And every time I think of you, those many years ago,  I think of your careless love

what you could have had, but how you let us go....

how you let us go

So seems like it was our time, and we were together, walking hand in hand

and held each other tight and the days turned into nights

and I waited for your love that was careless and cold and you left me

and let me go, like a flower you picked and then I got old

and then she got old....

we were together......

we were together  

and then I was old...

7-31-20

    

If

I wish I could write
one more day, one more hour,
one more minute, one more time
about you

you give me strength to be me
to see that I am who I see
you make me feel the reality
and that life is a duality. 

If I had one more day, with you
your beautiful face,
your skin so perfect
I want to touch it
I want to scrunch it
I want to love it like

If I could sing that song of us

that comes along in a great surprise
and catches us off so off but not quite
I would then sing that song
to you

If I could write just one more second, one more
minute, one more day it would all be
about you......



February 2020

Everything...

There was everything about you but
now you're gone. Every inch of you
that's in this song. Loving you was
always right
wanting you all day
 and night
everything about you
now you're gone

There was not a thing that I was unsure of
not a day that I didn't want you more of
not a minute
how did we stray
not a night I , we didn't stay
together we became so very sure of


There was everything about you
 that I wanted in this song
everyday loving you
made us so strong
and there was everything about you
that belonged
but everything about you that was wrong

August 26, 2019

But there was  everything about you
every day without you
every day I longed for
couldn't live without you
every day I loved you
now you're gone...….

this ~

But life is funny,

you must admit

we never know what it is

until this......

February 2019

December

I tell you
it's not over
you can't get away
just yet,
it may be time
to take cover

I'll see it to the end


It's December.

December 2017

Losing Me

You're losing me
like leaves falling from a tree
you don't see
all the things you mean to me

yeah, you're losing me
it's plain and simple
why can't you see
that if a thousand if's
was meant to be
then that is all what you wanted
from me

and  that's why you're losing me
no time to say goodbye or
go away
no time to hurt each other
or be lead a stray

yeah, you're losing me.....
can't you see
the leaves falling from the tree
my love still burning endlessly

but still losing me









December 2017

my baby

They're killing my baby. I
imagine what she looks like.
She has pretty little wisps of
hair. She's so cuddly cute,
adorable. Her little voice
tells me she's so past what
I see to fall in love with.
I want to hold her and pick
her up. As the days and weeks
go by I hear her growing. Today
she was angry. She has a temper.
She yells and screams and then
someone picks her up. Right
away because how could they
let my angel cry. Not ever.
I realize that maybe there is
more then one person because
sometimes I hear her talk as
she is getting on in months.
But when she cries, I think,
they're killing my baby! I finally figured it
out. She is down, across the way from
us, down a pathway of apartments
that lead into the alley and the
street. Somewhere in the middle
is my adorable. I hear her. Especially
on the weekends. I imagine her
parents. She must be at least one
year now.  And then one day, I am
walking up to my building, when
I see the cutest baby in the arms
of a nice young tattooed body of
a man. My baby has a sucker and she's in
a dress. He holds her proudly. And she
is happy. And there,getting out of the car is mom!
She has long hair, with colors in it
like purple and she's pretty, just like
my baby. Now I know. They smile at
me as I walk by.  I guess they're not
killing my baby. They love my baby!
Because I can tell, they love her.
Everyday she is talking and growing,
But oh no, just one cry, if I just hear
 one cry and if they don't come for her
 right away.....
I can't stand to hear. I don't ever want
to think....
One day I shall meet them, really meet
them and tell them what I know about
my baby, my baby
my adorable baby....




March 3017

day 1000

it's been three years
and everything was good,
so good. I never thought
we would come to this day
not the way I felt. I never felt
this way, no really.

day 1000 is the same as day
one. I remember that first kiss
and what you said and how I
felt and where it was and afterwards.
I remember thinking that something
really special was happening. monumental.

and it was. I imagine leaving in your car,
actually you driving me somewhere
because we never did that. I imagine
dinner out, together, eating somewhere
because that never happened. I imagine
an actual date, a dirty night out.
We dance. I imagine your pretty car
wrapped around me. I like the way it feels.
there's that smell of clean leather, because
you rub it down. there's the dark windows
and no one can see us stealing kisses. Because
that never happened.

But I did see you smile at me, so gorgeous. Your
smile lighting up my soul. your eyes
dancing around my face. your eyes telling
me you love me. I think, it was real. It felt
real.  Were you not all in?
Did you just pretend?

And all of the times, we would steal
moments, little bits of pleasure away
from everyone and just hold each other
 and think if only things would have or
could have been
different that maybe we had met
in some other place and time, then
maybe there could really be an us.

because how could you just throw
us away? after three years and now
now when I need you most... just
a hug made me feel better on most days.
if I feel this way, then what about you?
you must not have felt this way because
I don't know how you could have
just thrown us away.

it's been three years and I don't know
what's real or pretend anymore....  and the
thought of you just won't go away ...
Just 1000 days and it feels like yesterday...


march, 2017

And so it goes....

And so it goes....
the love you felt
the way it was
the simple things
that let you know
his love was strong
and so it goes

And there ain't nothin' babe
to make me stay away
my head hurts
from all the mess and fray
and how much is too much
because it's just not fair
how I gave you everything
and you gave me away

And so it goes
lover of my life
teller of my soul
letting it all go
throwing it away
expecting me to stay
trying so hard
to not let me know
he's just letting me go

ain't it sad, you never know
when love has gone
he just through it out the door


and so it goes...…


Revised  4/2019

bad kind of love

It's just like I said
how you treated me bad
made me love you,  it's sad
tearing me all the way down
to the dirt on the ground
saying all the same things
calling me all the bad names

Why oh why could you do
that to me
When you called me your girl
and said I was yours
then played with my heart strings
saying it's bad,
what our love brings

Now here I am
telling you, you can't do that to me
just love me, don't leave me
treat me like a god damn fool
Just love me
don't hate me
when you're thinkin' you're
so cool

it's just like I said
your treatin'  me bad
shaking me down to my knees
make me beg for you, please

must be a bad kind of love
and it's taking me down
taking away what we found
it's just like I said
must be a bad kind of love





January 2017

Life Sneaks Up On You

 I got some pictures on the wall
I got some stories I can tell
there are some numbers I can call
when I'm not feeling very well
but life sneaks up on you sometimes
sometimes its cold outside

do you remember when
we stayed up all night
when we thought we got it right
when we had that little fight
life sneaks up on you sometimes
sometimes its cold outside

Why do children have to die
why do friends go bye bye
sometimes I just don't understand
could you just hold my hand
life sneaks up on you sometimes
sometimes its cold outside

I think I'm going to cry now
thats just the way I feel
I keep going I don't know how
I'm like a cog stuck in a wheel
life sneaks up on you sometimes
sometimes its cold outside

We have to love every minute
We should love every minute
give it all we have and more
cause when it is all said and done
life sneaks up on you sometimes
sometimes its cold outside

I think I'm going to cry now
thats just the way I feel
life sneaks up on you sometimes




Melvin L Harris
1947-2016

Forever

I'm in love with you
there, I've said it, what
would you have me do?
you must not judge that
I have abandoned all that
I once knew, just to
be alone with you

Lips upon my neck and
down my back, hair that
falls across my face,
shirt unbuttoned falls to
the ground, hands grabbing
at my breasts and I am
not afraid of letting go
as I reach around some
forbidden place and you,
have given me more
than I could have
dreamed in this time
and space

 I'm in love with you
and so unafraid to speak
my mind nor do I care and
do not have anything
to gain by speaking up
and screaming from
my heart, it's the beginning
it's a beautiful start

Life is funny and romantic
and I have no idea what
I am saying anymore except
I love you more and more
and be there that small
chance that I may have
your love forever more,
then you must not ever
forget that I will always
be waiting just outside
your door.






July 2016

Love

              

  I wanted you forever

not just for one night....

June 2016

I Let Go

I've been accused
of a lot of things
even so far as
all the paranoia
that brings
but I've never been
accused of loving
too much
I never knew
there was such

Now you're telling me
that I was the one
that just didn't see
That it was never meant
to be
that I had misconstrued
something that was not
ever to come
something that was
always just a bit undone

But of all the times
we were together
I know what it feels like
to love somebody forever
And no matter what you said
or how much you want to hurt me
I know what we had
it wasn't all in my head

So I see now, what you wanted
from me
you can't even look at me
not even worth an apology
or can't even say my name
and if you stole my heart
I have no one else but me
to blame

If there ever was a time
when you wanted me so
I guess, from what you say
if it's true, we will never know
I gave you my heart
my body, my soul
But you break me down now
it's time
I need to let you go........






May     2016

I Still Remember

I just remember what
You said and how you
Said it

I remember what you meant
And how you meant it

Stay away from me
Or you'll regret it
You'll regret it

Your words cut right through me
Then you let it
Let it

I saw you walk away from me
You said you wanted to be free
I grabbed the flower
From the base
You never really saw
My face
And then  I heard
You scream

Stay away from me
Or you'll regret it
Your words cut through me
Then you let it
I've learned I'm never going to get it

And I still love you
There I've said it

I just remember what you said
And how you meant it
And somewhere deep inside
You regret it
Because you still want me
It is so plane to see

I still remember ..……
There I've said it





May 2016

That One Thing....

It was that one thing for someone who

prided themselves

on accuracy and

the thought of you today

has me dreaming of us

and yesterday

See, you had taken

the trouble, so kind

of you after

all to explain

the destination in great

detail even so far

as telephoning so

clear and oh then said

as if I were near

it was that one thing

when I had arrived

that puzzled me so

there was that part

where you say

and if by chance you've

lost your way, then by

all means

by all means

you may call me or not

if you want to make your

own way

It was that one thing

was it what you were

really trying to say

that even though we 

had been apart

there were still matters

of the heart

For you and all 

your perfection would

have NEVER made that

mistake, there's no question

I made it just 

the same, and did not

need your words to find

my way.... and now

I know what you

were really trying to say.....

I think, I know

what you were really trying to say

but we shall save that

for another day......

....

April  2016