Pretend

Last night I pretended you were here.

You came in like you owned the place, took your shoes off and sat down on the couch.

I was nervous and tried to think of just the right things to say

When I moved closer to you, you stood up. When I moved back, you sat back down.

I know you wanted to see me, but you didn't know what to do when you got here.

We watched the news and hardly spoke.

Then, you asked me if I wanted something at the store.

To which I said, yes, ice cream please.

Your eyes lit up when you said, "I'll be right back!"

Seems like you were gone forever. I did up some dishes;

fixed my hair, again; sprayed Juicy perfume all over the couch;

checked my lip gloss and finally sat back down, in my corner.

When you came back, you went straight to the kitchen.

A few minutes later you came out with two bowls of ice cream with

whipped cream and chocolate syrup swirled around in it.

You gave one to me and then sat at my feet and ate yours.


Then you put your bowl down and said, "you have nice feet."

"Thank you," I was so nervous.

"You have nice legs too and gorgeous eyes. Come here and sit with me.."

I was so taken, I immediately put down my bowl and scooted to the floor.

"Your hair is beautiful," you said as you reached across me and put your hand

in my hair.

I could not hear a word you were saying when  you grabbed me and

kissed me. That kiss never ended and we found ourselves on the floor

the next morning.

When you woke up, you said, "Have to go," then you hugged me and left.

I pretended it was okay to leave.

I pretended not to care.

When I saw you a little later I told you that I was with someone else.

You acted like you were hurt.

But I pretended it didn't matter.

I saw you last night with her.

When you saw me and tried to talk to me

I pretended I didn't see you there.

And then I pretended not to cry.

And pretended I didn't love you anymore.

Tonight I'll pretend you came back to me

and this time, I'll pretend that I love you and

never, never, never  let you go.





June 2013.

So Not Another Sad Sad Song....

so not like any other day
so not without you
so not like even yesterday
so not being here all alone
and trying to move on, movin' on
like all those sad sad songs.....

so not your words you
said to me
so not the way you
want it to be
so not your heart that
skips a beat
so not a conversation
on the phone
and trying to figure out
why you're stringin' me along
like all those sad sad songs


now I'm not gonna chase you
and I'm not going to set you
free
I'm just about to regulate ya'
and you aren't  going to
even see
how much I really really love
you
how much I really really care
there is no settin' free
about ya'
I'm not lettin' this thing get me
your not leavin' me be
I'm not leavin' without ya'


because, it'so not like any other day
so not like this day, without you
so not like even yesterday
so I'm not being here at  all
alone without ya'
and you're not movin on movin on
like all those sad sad songs
all those sad sad songs
So not, not stringin/ me along
so not just another sad sad song
just another sad sad love song




June 2013 Lyrics

Thoughts of Sharlotte

He knew he had made a mistake the
minute he said it, but the damage was done.

Her face dropped as she realized he was
talking to her and that all the promises
he had made were not to be.

She pretended not to hear as she excused
herself from the room, tears beginning
to roll down her cheeks.

He also knew he couldn't go after her.
It would be too obvious. He had to let
her go, a big lump in his throat.
He looked down , trying to gather
his thoughts and emotions. A panic set
over him.

The restroom was crowded as she
made her way to the open stall.
She was crying uncontrollably now.
She knew exactly what he meant.
She just couldn't' believe he had just
told the world.
She sobbed for the love they
may have had.

He had to leave the room, go find
her, apologize, figure this out...what
to say to her, what to do.
He walked in to the ladies room.

"Sharlotte?"

She heard him but couldn't believe
he had come, no qualms on entering
the woman's restroom. She
stayed quiet.

He was devastated and could hardly
hold back all the emotions he felt
right then. Why, why, did I say
such a thing? He questioned his
motives. He loved her but hadn't
been able to tell her, yet.
She waited until he was gone and
slipped out the door. From there
she tried to escape out the back.

Just when she thought she was
in the clear, she heard his voice.

"Sharlotte? Are you okay?"
She turned around and smiled, "Yeah,
it's cool. I'm good, why, what's up?"

He choked back his words. "Are you sure?"

She was good at pretending after all
this time. She had loved him and
could not let him know.
"Yes, I've got to go, though..."
She walked away. It was all she
could do before she would burst into
tears in front of him. She was almost
safe in her car when she heard him again...

"Sharlotte..." he was pretending he had
a microphone in his hand and he sang
a song to her;

              "Spending my day, thinking about you...
                      being here with you, being near to you...
                            You gotta let me know how you feel....
                                   And I'm wrapped up in your arms...
                            Because I'm still in love with you...."

She turned and smiled and waved.
When she got home, she put on her
pajamas and cried herself to sleep.
She knew he would not, could not
call her.

It was one of those awful reasons
that Sharlotte knew she could
no longer wait for him. She would have
to let him go. And it was breaking her
heart.

He drove home only worried about
Sharlotte. What would she do? She
couldn't give up now...they were so
close...he had fallen in love with her.

He used his key to open the door.
His wife was cooking dinner.
He made his way to the bathroom,
where he stayed for the next hour..
sickness had overcome him  and
thoughts of Sharlotte....


June 21, 2013

Song by Al Green, "Still In Love With You"

stickin' with it

it was some l i t t l e   argument

not even worth mentioning

although, I was pretty mad

at the time...

did I tell you, it  f e l t  good ?

well, I don't have to go into

that now


i don't know what came over me

by the time i was boiling, i knew i

couldn't just let it  goooooo....    oh   noooooooo !!

o h,  it did cause me to have the

H O T S  for him!

(let's not go there yet)


so now, I'm in his face...

i'm not just in his face

I'm     I N    H I S   F A C E

and I'm this'n and that'n

and I'm saying "you're going to do that to me?"

again, "YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME?"

and I'm saying, NO, I'm yelling' ; 

"W H YYYYYYY,  Would YOU DO THAT TO ME!!

but, not lettin' him answer not a one of these

pertinent questions....  NOT A ONE...


and I got to admit,  I was on a roll

but I wasn't all C R A Z Y

i was makin' sense

And all I could hear him

sayin' was, CALM DOWN

and I'm like, with my face in his, like

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN


damn good stuff

damn


And he said, DAMN GIRL

YOU TOOK IT TO A WHOLE OTHER PLACE...

IT's NOT ALL THAT SERIOUS!

oh really now.....  i said,  O H   R E A L L Y   N O W  !


and I was doin' sooooo  good!  I was !!!

no tears, no screamin' and no repeatin'

that repeatin' shit just means you don't know WHAT THE HELL

you're mad about

But, I had a legitimate beef


and at some point...

at some fine point of this whole slam down


he got really close to me

really really close

almost nose to nose

and he's not lookin' away

he is not backing down

and he's not mad

but he's talkin' to me in this

CALM VOICE

ugh

And I realize damn ,  I realize

that you are lookin' at me with

those eyes...  

don't even go there , PLEASE

my GOD

now, who would have seen this comin'.. it was

like being in a movie....

the sun was just in that one eye...

that one, oh geez, gorgeous eye (I mean,

they're both gorgeous, but it just happened

to be in that one eye...)

all brown, just glowing...glowing shit

just glowing and with a big black pupil

lookin' at me, sparkling and shit

and I'm like,

what the F***K!

NOW WHAT????

all tryin' to use your beautiful gorgeous

eye on me.... THIS just is not fair....

and for a moment, I had some clarity

I did

the clarity told me,

"Look, girl, he's lookin' at you with that

love in his eyes... now, tell me that you

can fight with that?  How CAN YOU DO THAT

TO THAT POOR BOY???"

ANd it took everything, I mean

EVERYTHING 

to not just grab that guy

that absolutely gorgeous guy

and kiss him right there and then

I'm fightin' every urge...

CAN'T KISS HIM WHEN I"M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT

what would be the point of the fight then??????

I'm askin'???

and what do you think happened next?

well, what else, he kept in my face, with his

gorgeous eyes and what else....

talkin' some kind of man-sense...

makin' me feel slightly nutty

just slightly

and he's like, damn girl, i

didn't know you had it in you

but calm down, it's going to be okay

i didn't mean anything by it

i was only kidding....

i was only kidding.....


here's the thing,

you know how we as women, have

to stand up for ourselves and sometimes

we take it just a little too far.....

okay, so I KNOW you understand.....

and well, I know you'll understand

when i tell you, you know,

in the end....

some guys got some kind

of ways of doing stuff... pulling you in

sucking you in to their side of thinking.... now,

don't they?  before you know it

don't laugh ladies

in the end, he had me

apologizing to him....



NOW......  don't go there with me....

he deserved the apology

I mean, well, he did. Between clairty and

him explaining what he meant, I did see

his point....but I did get my point

across and he ain't never never never never

going to that again....

but what i liked about that whole blow out was

he never backed down

he never left me while i

was going wild

he had a hold of me and

just fought it out

we fought it out

he told me he was sorry

and the next day

he called me cat woman

there's something to be said about a

guy who sticks with you

in a fight and didn't give up

and didn't let go until I did

that's a hell of a guy .....

made me love him even more....



there's not going to be 

a round 2....just sayin..





June 20, 2013

what might have been

my tears rolled down my

cheeks, burning my eyes and

blurring my vision..

I could hardly see, driving

home

the problem is I can't

talk to you

I can't tell you how I

feel oh, I know you know

 because it's so

obvious and you,  playing all your little

hide n' seek games;  spending

hours and days and weeks and months

together, making me feel like

no one could ever be as good as

us like we are....

but I can't tell you baby,

I can't tell you how much I

have fallen for you,

how when you look into

my eyes I want to hold you

forever...I can't tell you how

I want to wake up next to you

and stay with you forever...


So, now that you

got me and I got you where

do we go from here

see that's where I'm

so confused

it's impossible for me

and impossible for you too

we got our secrets

and this is all the love

the two of us will see


So tonight my baby when

I look up at the moon

I'll think about what could

have been and what might

be and wish that all my

sweet love finds you and

one day, maybe

we'll be together

and all our love will

light up the sky and

you'll be mine,

forever

but until that day

I'm still gonna love you

and want you

and cry for

what might have been

what could be

what should be

one day







June 18, 2013

Secrets

We had to hide

everything.. and no one could know

how we really felt or how we

really loved each other

the secrets we kept

were tearing us apart

When I saw your face that day

I knew something had

gone completely wrong

and then you told me and

oh, I felt so bad,

so bad for you

and just like that

our secret world started

to fall apart right before

us and like sand in our

hands, slipping away


how was I to know this

was the last time I would

see you, how was I

to know, this would

be the last time I would

be with you

we cried in each other's arms

as  you confessed the whole

thing to me, and

I tried not to believe it

I just couldn't even

imagine that my love

could be yanked from

me, in such a way


But, honey, so much

time has passed and I haven't

seen you in so long

and I haven't even

 spoken to you


And, my love, I just had to

say,   if you see this

or hear my voice or see me

on television or the radio,

please give

me another chance for

I have learned my lesson

and each and every day

I regret not telling you

my side of our secret

world but I've made

a better life for myself

I've got my shit together

and every day, I see you

every where I go and

I pretend you still hold me

and love me

and can't live without me

I want you more then

before and I know that

we can make this work

I've got it bad, baby

Just honey, please,

come back to me

come back to me


the secrets that we had

just makes us that much

stronger, makes me know

that what we had was real

our love was meant to last

longer


they say time heals but

I'm still waiting

waiting for you

secret

love

my secret

was you




June 16th, 2013.

A Simple Twist

you,

comin' on so strong

thought you had me

when you said you

were wrong

first saying one thing

then the other

trying to confuse me

oh boy, you ain't my lover



You,

comin' on like that

make me believe

it's not where your at

then side steppin' into

your acrobats

makin' me think you care

makin' me think you dare


See,

the thing is that you

underestimated me and what

I could do to you

so, you were deep

into what you wanted to

say and think,  how you

had to say it, how you

wanted to play it,  you

must have forgot about me



Trying so hard to make

me want you

didn't see me comin'

after you

And now, you don't know

what to do


Just close your eyes

and strap on your belt

it's my turn, baby

the games have just begun

you don't know when it's real

and how it felt


You,

comin' on so strong

and me

wanting you right

or wrong

got you right where

you belong....

and when I feel

you've paid your dues

then you might have me

or not, it's true


See, I'm not your muse

to be played with

and used

you, thinkin'

you had me

now, close your eyes, baby

it's too late and

you've been fooled

there ain't nothin' like

breakin' the golden rule......



Revised 5-28-20

I Was Just Thinkin' ....

I was thinkin' about you last night

not the way it is, but the way it

used to be

I remembered when I would

tell you how much I loved

you, and you hung on

every word

You would look at me with

those beautiful eyes and

without even saying anything

I would know you loved

me too

our love was so strong

I couldn't think of anything

else but you

But lately, we've been at each

other

And I sense something is

not quite right

Tell me that I'm wrong

that the feelings that

you  had, are still going

strong and tell me

that you love me, tell me so true

I'm not going to fight you

I never could

I just want to know, now

are we, have we, come undone

Give me a sign, I need you now

give me something that I can go by


I was thinking about you last night

the way it used to be,

because I still love you just the same

tell me, of all the possibilities

Summer breezes are calling me now

just tell me what I need to know

tell me that are love is still strong

tell me baby, before I go........



June 16, 2013

The End of My Rope

I knew it was time

I got to the end of that rope

and tried to pull myself up

but, I didn't have the strength

my arms were tired and I was weak

and all I kept thinking was," I can't leave you."


My dreams at night are filled with

all the images of you

smiling, laughing, joking, teasing

your voice haunting each dream

making me want you more then

the day before and the day before

that


I tried so hard to not feel this way

because what you don't know

is I cried all the way home

yesterday.

It's just that I'm obsessed now.

I can't forget a thing about you

and I can't do anything

anything about it and I can't

change a damn thing about

the way I feel


So, it's the end of my rope

you see and it's time for me

to take

a giant leap, a jump if you will

into your heart,

your  mind and your soul and Oh,

I won't be afraid because it was

so inevitable and somehow,

I know how you feel

You see, I see it in your eyes,

in everything you do, you just

don't know what to do and

I just didn't know it would happen

this way, with you, now


So, tomorrow when I see you

I may seem somewhat melancholy,

I may seem a little serious

I may stare into your eyes a little

longer then I usually do

or I may stare at your lips and

you may ask

me what is going on and

I might tell you that today,

yes, today, I've decide that I

love you and even though

it's something we can't do

anything about...I know that

you feel the same... you see,

it's been coming.. it's not what

I wanted...but it's what I got

And for now, if love is all I got,

then I think you ought to take it

It's not given lightly or carelessly

But it's with all my heart that

I give you all I got...and

in the end of this...when weeks and

months and maybe years have passed

you'll know that I was right to

tell you and most of all it was

was the best time ever, to

give up on that rope

We'll be okay,

we really will...

I love you







June 12, 2013

Every Song Reminds Me Of You

"......ewwww,  baby baby...

             is it true, baby baby

       want to be with you,  baby baby...

                do you love me too, baby baby...."

imagine your kiss, so

gentle on my lips

kissing me down my neck

and  then back up

Imagine you and I

alone tonight

that would this love

bring to us on a

dark rainy night



it's only love that

makes me feel this way

and tears my heart away

makes me dream about you

and want you more and

more and more and more...



the fate that brought me here

makes me want you next

to me...in all the times

and every day

only, secretly meeting you

'round  the corner

or in some lonely

dark alley

lips touching, love

crushing



And the song in my heart,

makes me think nothing

but,  about you

 all the time and in between times too

daydreaming just you and I

wanting so much more...


but now, you're going to miss me

on those nights when

you'll be thinking how I

loved you and held you

and missed you and wanted

you and would have died

for you

and cried for you

and lied for you

how i gave you everything

and how i never

wanted to part

and those songs keep playing

in my head....."oooohhh, baby baby..."

oh, you're going to miss me

not like before

this time, you'll miss me

more until you cry

until you die

until you break down and

realize

and then...........

the songs keep tearing me apart...

"love me love me, you're gonna' miss me...."

And then you'll know

real love and

you'll

want

me

once

more......

" doo wap, baby, love you soooooo"  






June 7th, 2013

Trouble

we're in a hell of a lot of trouble

Not THAT kind of trouble

but a trouble where you've lost control

and one that goes deep inside your soul


You see, there's a thing

I can't put my finger on it yet

But I know it's happening

it's pulling at my heart strings...

but I don't want to stop it....at all

I want it to go on like this forever

and ever

this thing called trouble


see eventually

it's going to envelop me/him/us

until we're sucked into it

further and further

and then, we'll be in the middle of it

we won't wonder why or how

we got there because by then

we won't give a damn

But on our way

oh, there's going to be

lots and lots of trouble

consuming me

tearing me apart

making me want him more and more

coming every day

relentlessly


Tomorrow

we'll do it again

he'll call my name and

he'll smile and tease me

make me want him

he'll ask me to call him

or he'll ask me stay with him

and I won't be able to resist

but I'll fight it and pretend I

never heard and he'll have to

repeat it two maybe three times

and then before I know it

he with his magic wand

magic fairy dust

sprinkling trouble all over me

and me just wanting and

waiting for it,

nothing but trouble....









June 4, 2013

a song in my heart...

She's going to stop thinking pretty soon and just go with it

It must be pretty clear by now

Everyone else sees it, does that mean that they see it too

He calls her name....

                " Sara, your the poet in my heart..."


And she asks herself;  how do you know..

I  mean really "know"

She's trying not to over-think things...

    he hugged me  -  he wants me...

    he flirts with me -  he loves me

    he makes me laugh  -  he wants to marry me

huh? what?

and on and on and on and on and on


               "wait a minute baby.....stay with me awhile..."


He said he misses her, come see me, he says.

she says, I'm coming......

when they meet, will it be the way she wants, the way he wants...

does he mean I miss you miss you

Or is it, I miss you miss you

Trying not to read into or out of  things...

We got this thing...This thing called.....

It's just that we can't

put our fingers on this thing...

can't describe it, just know

we got this thing...


               "drowning in the sea of love, where everyone drowns..."


Right not, right right now, right now

is he thinking of her...

the way that she's thinking of him....

She's reaching for him, wants him, needs him...

and the song goes on...


               "in the sea of love, where everyone drowns, then call me

                                                                                               call me home.."  


June, 2013

Song by Fleetwood Mac "Sara"